The Alias
by WindStar
Summary: The greatest con Neal Caffrey ever pulled, was convincing the world that Nick Halden was an alias and that Neal Caffrey was a real person. The creation of Neal Caffrey.
1. Meeting Nick Halden

**Windstar: **Back again I guess, this one is a pre-series. It will eventually lead to present day time, it just might take a few chapters to get there. It's told mainly from Alex's perspective, but it is focused on the development of who exactly Neal Caffrey is.

**Summery: **The greatest con that Neal Caffrey pulled, was convincing the world that Nick Halden was an alibi, and that Neal Caffrey was a real person. The creation of Neal and how he came to be, as seen from the eyes of a friend.

**Chapter One: Nick Halden**

_September 7, 1995_

She had first met Thomas Halden when she was just a two-bit art thief that was desperate for some cash and an easy lay. Ultimately she only got one of those two things, Thom was already married and had a kid of his own. He was twice her age, rough around the edges, and possessed a heart of gold.

She hadn't seen that when she first met him. In fact, all she'd seen was the wedding band around his hand and suddenly she had the urge to see how she could make out with a harmless amount of flirting. It wasn't completely harmless though, because in the middle of her big brown eyed routine, a highly amused laugh slid in from behind her.

She turned around and blinked at the kid that had to be around fourteen or fifteen. Big blue eyes and wavy dark hair with a lady killer smile had her blinking in stunned surprise. She hardly expected to see a kid hanging around these parts, let alone one that looked like he stepped off the cover of the year's youngest top model.

"I think she likes you dad." The kid said with all the amusement of someone who just walked out of a comedy club. Her mouth dropped and she glanced back at Thom who's formerly gruff exterior melted away into someone that looked vaguely like a parent. Whatever that was supposed to mean.

"Get back to work." He intoned blandly, motioning to the kid who could help but laugh even harder.

"Wait till I tell mom." The kid was laughing even harder now, and she felt her face begin to burn from embarrassment.

"Nick, work, now." The boy mock saluted and then trotted away, but his infectious giggles could be heard despite that. "You have a painting you need fenced?" The man asked her calmly, and she dipped her head. He was back to business and she knew full well that her chances were dwindling by the second.

"Look I'm sorry about-"

"Nicky's got his head in the clouds half the time."

"Do not!" A loud yell came from the back, and the man swiftly responded without much care.

"Work!" Another bout of laughter, and she just knew this was a bad idea. "Let me see the painting, I'll price it for you and get your money out your way." She nodded and pulled the canvas from its protective case. She'd heard good things about Halden, and she wasn't disappointed when he came up with a fair deal. They made their transaction, and she glanced towards the back of the shop. She wasn't one to question parenting methods, but she was certain that somewhere in the criminal rule book there was a line about having underage kids tote around while deals were going down.

"Cute kid." Was all she said about it though, and Thom shrugged noncommittedly.

"Takes after his mother; brilliant, beautiful, and with an ego the size of Everest. Wouldn't hurt him to take it down a few notches." She could see that. He certainly seemed to be full of himself, but it wasn't hard to see why. "The two of them will be the death of me." The gruff exterior melted away and there was a fond look of just pure amusement on his face. It wasn't hard, even for her, to see that he honestly loved his family.

She took the money that he offered and she left without another word. There was nothing for her here. Walking about the streets she thought about the cash that she now had and she considered what it was she was going to do with it. She had the strongest urge to just go find someone who wouldn't mind giving her a hit of something, and at this moment she didn't particularly care what.

She felt foolish and completely ridiculous and it made her feel insanely bitter. How dare that little brat laugh at her? Anger overcame her and she grit her teeth. She'd never been so embarrassed in her life. She moved as fast as she could down the street, her fingers feeling the strong urge for something to hold. She reached into her purse to pull out the pack of cigarettes that she had in there.

She froze though, when she realized that her wallet was no longer in her possession. A swift flush of terror ran over her, and she whipped about to head back towards Thomas Halden when she came face to face with the laughing teenager from the store.

He was holding up her wallet with a look of immense amusement on his face, and his eyes were rolling over the ID that was there with a look that made it clear he thought that he was perfect in every little way. She had never felt more anger over anything else in her life though – and a part of her was grudgingly impressed that a fifteen year old _brat _had pick pocketed her.

"Alexandra Hunter." Only he could probably say her name like it was a way to seduce someone. Every 'r' was rolled and he dropped his voice so it was sultry and soothing. A part of her wanted to hate him even more for it, another part of her felt her heart flutter and that in turn made her furious because why the hell would anyone want to be wooed by a kid?

"What do you want _Nicky_?" He scowled at the use of the nickname she'd heard his father give him, and shook his head. Passing the wallet back to her, he held up a piece of paper

"It's Nick, and my father told me to give this to you. He said that if you don't have a place to stay then me ma makes a good dinner and we have a guest room not being used."

"Your mom?" She didn't know if she should be insulted or amused. He shrugged.

"I think me ma like's it when people flirt with him, who knows why." He shrugged evenly. "Or maybe me da just don't like seeing pretty girls going out to get in trouble when they could be stayin' in and doin' jus' fine." The accent was different from Thomas's. That she realized quickly enough, and she questioned him on it. He just shrugged. "Me ma's Irish, not like the folks around here though, she's really from Ireland."

"Your dad says you take after her, shouldn't you have red hair then?" He frowned slightly.

"Dark hair is a dominant trait. I have her eyes though." He motioned towards the bright blues that she'd noticed earlier, for a moment she found herself entranced by them.

"Just how old are you anyway?" She couldn't recall any fourteen year old talking about genetics in the past, but then again she had a hard time remembering _any _fourteen year old she talked to in the past.

"Nineteen." He replied easily, tilting his head with a mocking expression. She rolled her eyes.

"Hardly."

"You're not twenty-seven either though." He pointed out, and she nodded despite herself.

"So what are you, really?" She asked with an honestly open expression.

"Seventeen." He shrugged, and then raised two fingers. "Scouts honor."

"You were a boyscout?" She found the idea oddly amusing.

"Eagle scout." He winked. "Can't you tell by my impressive manners? Now my _dear _lady, would you like help across the street." He gallantly made a show of stepping back and offering her his arm.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting with me." She laughed as she took his arm.

"Why would I bother, I know you like older men." She scowled at him, but he winked up at her. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. I won't tell anyone."

"You're a real brat you know that?" He shrugged.

"Sure, but who's going to believe you if you told anyone? I'm an angel. But tell you what, if you want me to flirt, I will." He flashed her a brilliant smile and not for the first time she felt her heart flutter.

"Sorry kiddo, I prefer my men to be above the age of legal consent before I go about deciding whether or not to have sex with them." He grinned at her and sighed dramatically as he led her back towards the shop.

"Your loss."

Alexandra Hunter found herself to be oddly amused by the young boy. She allowed him to bring her back to the shop where Thomas was still working. He was on the phone and he barely glanced in their direction as they walked inside. Nick led her through the main room and out the back door.

A staircase moved up to a new level, and she followed the bright-eyed boy as he led with a huge smile and almost a skip in his step. For some reason, she didn't particularly mind though, the kid was actually rather fun to be around.

"So how do I know you're not some creeper?" She asked him coyly, and the kid turned to look at her with raised eyebrows.

"You were hitting on my dad, if anyone's the creeper isn't it you?" She scowled slightly and crossed her arms over her chest. He just beamed at her with all the enthusiasm in the world. "I can't wait for you to meet mom, she's great!"

"So everyone keeps saying." She nodded back towards Thomas who was still doing his own work down stairs. They reached a level floor and she looked around, there were sounds coming from a room down the hall and all other doors were closed.

Some paintings hung on the walls and there were even a few photographs here and there. She leaned close to look at one. She recognized Blue-Eyes easily enough. He wasn't that much younger in the photo. Thomas was standing behind him with his hand on his shoulder. There was pride in the man's eyes. Behind the other shoulder could only be the kid's irish mother.

Her red hair was flowing down past her shoulders and she had she had the same eyes that her son had. It was actually surprising to see the similarities that Nick had to his parents. It was the first time she was certain she saw someone with an honest to goodness pure fifty/fifty split. He shared his facial structure with his mother, and he certainly had her eyes, but he was definitely half of his father's child. His body shape was very much like his father's. He had his hair, and his smile. That big toothy grin and –

Alex couldn't help it. She started laughing. Tears came to her eyes, and Nick glanced towards her in confusion. When he saw what she was looking at he scowled furiously and grabbed her hand to pull her away. "It's not funny." He insisted, scowling as he brought one hand to poke at his front teeth in vain.

"How long did that last?" She asked curiously, although she had to admit she was insanely pleased with the fact that he'd seemed to have gotten braces at some point (even though that gap had been absolutely adorable).

"Too long." He growled in frustration. "Brittany Nicole wouldn't be my friend because of it." He gave her a mournful sigh, and she laughed at that.

"Brittany Nicole?"

"Second grade, she had a shiny red bicycle and pigtails."

"I can see why this was such a travesty for you." He nodded.

"Indeed. I didn't get my bike until I was in _third _grade, but when I did – it was much cooler." He was all smiles again, and she found herself grinning with him.

"What bike was it?" She asked curiously.

"A blue Cuneo. It was the best bike I ever owned." He paused at a door at the end of the hall and he glanced towards her, his face sobering slightly. "Umm…please don't be surprised."

"Surprised by what?" Alex frowned, but he was already walking into the room. She hesitated, but when she heard herself get introduced, she followed him in.

Her eyes widened slightly and her heart filled with pain all of a sudden. She couldn't recall the last time that she had felt so sad for anyone other then herself. In her mind she recalled the photo on the wall with the beautiful family smiling with delight to the camera. The woman looked so strong and healthy there, now though…now she looked anything but.

There was a bandanna around her head to cover the fact that she didn't have any hair. Her skin looked grayish almost, and there was just a general exhaustion and weakness that came from her body. She glanced towards Nick in confusion, but he wasn't looking at her.

"How are ye doin' today ma?" The accent that she'd heard earlier was coming out in full now, and she wondered slightly if that was for his mother's benefit. The woman looked honestly pleased at her son's attention to her.

"Ah'm doin' well _a chroi_." She smiled to him, though even Alex could tell that she must have been in some form of pain, because she looked simply exhausted as she did so. "Welcome to our home Miss. Hunter." The young woman looked at the mother and felt her voice catch in her throat. The words were kindly spoken, and the lilt on them were even more so meaningful to her.

"T-thank you for having me." She said, her heart breaking in her chest.

"Will ya be spending the night dear?" The woman glanced from Alex to Nick, and her son beamed slightly.

"I guess so, she doesn't have any where else – right?" He gave her a knowing look and the thief scowled ever so slightly. She didn't have a chance to cut in before the mother started speaking again.

"Show her to the guest room _a chroi_, she looks like she could use a rest. Ah'll be sure to let ye know when dinner is ready alright dearie?"

"Yes, ma'am." Nick's hand slipped into hers and she felt herself fight terribly hard to bring herself back to a sense of calm. They left the kitchen, and she followed him silently down the hall. He opened a door and stepped inside. He motioned her in, and she followed him sadly.

"There's a bathroom that connects over there." His accent had died down just a little, it was still there, just not as present as it used to be. "So you can take a shower or something if you like."

"Nick…" She felt compelled to ask, and yet she couldn't seem to get the words out.

"Lung cancer. She's not eligible for any sort of donation. Probably two more years at best." He glanced towards her; the lines were well versed. She supposed he'd had to answer the question quite often enough. "I guess that's why me ma doesn't mind if someone flirts with Dad. She just wants him to be happy…if he finds someone else he'll be happy…I guess." She reached out to touch his shoulder, and he turned to her.

"Want a hug kiddo?" She asked with a half hearted smile. He grinned stupidly, and she almost regretted asking, but damn if he hadn't looked so heart broken at that moment. He reached over and pulled her close to him. She felt her breath leave her for a brief moment and a feeling of relaxation started to tingle in her boots.

Surprise lifted up from her innards. She hadn't expected the hug to be so inexplicably nice. Yet she wasn't letting go. His head rested on her shoulder, and she realized that the kid was probably still growing. They'd be around the same height when he stopped. He might even be a bit taller. She'd need to wear heels around him in the future-which was another pause for thought.

Who said that she would be sticking around that long? It was only going to lead in disappointment; especially after what she saw down the hall. If she got close to this family, she was only going to get hurt later on.

What she couldn't underThomd though, was why it was that she wasn't releasing the kid. For a brief moment she felt good though. She wasn't used to giving just hugs to people. She wasn't used to being with someone or even near someone simply because she wanted to. The kid was a sweet guy though, and she wasn't entirely sure that she _didn't _want to be near him at all.

She heard a brief giggle, and she glance down at the teenager who was grinning up at her with a wicked smile. "You sure you don't like underage guys?" Rolling her eyes she let him go and stepped back.

"I feel like taking a shower, am I safe, or are you a peeping tom?" He took on a look of pure innocence and clasped a hand over his heart as though he was wounded.

"My lady, I would never!" She laughed and shook her head. He slipped out of the room and closed the door behind him. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her face though as she thought of the honest to goodness gentle heart that she knew was inside of him.

Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to stick around for a little while.


	2. The Portrait and the Proposal

**Windstar: **Thank you very much to my six reviewers, especially nana who pointed out my major typo and completely dyslexia moment where I swapped alias with alibi. I really appreciate it, and that mistake has since been fixed. It definitely made me embarrassed, but in the long run it helped me catch a huge mistake. Constructive criticism is meant to help, and that certainly helped. Thanks again, and please know that it really meant a lot to me!

This story isn't told in Alex's POV, but she is a huge part of it. Because it follows a majority from her "perspective" please keep in mind that many things are subject to be biased and opinionated. Another thing to keep in mind, for this chapter at least, is the fact that there is a lot of teasing between Alex and Nick(Neal). Because of that, please be aware that most of their relationship is revolved around joking. I've planned this story out so that it will continue on to season two of the series, and so things will be put into the framework that the show has set up for us.

Neal may seem a tad out of character at times, but that too will be explained. Both Alex and Neal will have major character development moments that define who they are. After all, that's the point of this story - the creation of Neal Caffrey as told from the eyes of a friend.

Thanks to Nana again, and enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **See chapter one.

**Chapter Two: The Portrait and The Proposal**

_September 25, 1995_

Alex was surprised, to say the least, when her one night stay turned into two…and then three. Nick's mother, Maire, had insisted upon it. Nick laughed at that and told her that she might as well get cozy, and as week one turned into week two she realized he was probably telling the truth.

She didn't have any trouble with her jobs anymore, and she always knew where to find a fence. Thomas didn't seem to mind, and she went out of her way to not flirt with him any more. It didn't stop Nick (or _Nicky _as she was taking a wry sort of amusement in calling him) from teasing her about it relentlessly.

She discovered quickly enough, that he was a senior in the local high school and that he was far more then just a pretty face. While not nearly the perfect memory that one of her friends had, he certainly could recall the most obscure details. He had the most useless information crammed into his brain, and occasionally it would pop out like, for instance: while working on his homework one day, he glanced up at her tilted his head to one side and felt free to inform her that the human stomach needed to create a new layer of mucous once every two weeks or else it would digest itself. She couldn't help but blink at that and wonder, faintly, just what would happen if her stomach didn't create a new layer of mucous.

"You don't say?" She asked instead, and he nodded.

"Yeah." He smirked at her and leaned a bit closer. "Have you made your mucous today?" She scowled at him.

"You're adorable." He laughed at the blatant sarcasm and tilted his head towards her.

"I've always known it." He blinked slowly, and for a moment she felt her heart flutter. Shaking her head she turned away from him. Damn did he have mesmerizing eyes…it wasn't fair that someone like him had a face like that.

He seemed keenly aware of the effect that he was having on her and she closed her eyes for a brief moment and sighed. His hand reached out and traced up the side of her arm. When she glanced back towards him his eyes were glittering and he had an oddly amused expression on his face.

"You really are a brat." And with that, she stood up and made her way out of the living room. He laughed brightly from behind her and she couldn't help but feel honestly annoyed at him.

She refused to speak with him for the rest of the day, and he didn't do anything to get in her way. He just would smile politely and side step out of her path of travel and she would keep her eyes forwards and away from his Baby-Blues.

In the mornings, she'd sit in the guest room that they gave her, and she would listen to the sounds of the house. His room was next to hers, and she'd listen, as he'd go through his morning routine. He was rather polite and kept relatively quiet; aside from the light thumping of the water while he took a shower.

He'd always go to his parent's room and say goodbye, and as he passed her door he'd wish her a good day as well. He'd be gone all day long, and she'd take that time to help out around the house. Maire stayed at home most days, and Alex took it upon herself to help her out whenever she could.

She enjoyed spending time with the woman, and she especially enjoyed hearing all the stories that the woman would tell about Nick's exploits. Apparently Thom used to be a thief as well, but when he settled down he shifted to the fencing industry so that he wouldn't have to leave as much. Nick simply picked up on all of his father's talents and expanded on them.

"When 'e was seven or so, 'is favorite ting ta say was 'pick a card any card.'" She laughed and the whole room seemed to glow because of it. Alex couldn't help but grin, because she could imagine little Nick Halden with that gap in his teeth and his big blue eyes holding up a deck like an average swindler. "Boy could make a card vanish right before yer eyes! 'n I knew how he was doin' it too!" There was a certain fondness and enthusiasm that Alex hadn't been expecting there.

"Aren't you worried? Most parents don't want their kids growing up to break the law." She pointed out in confusion.

"Aye, but Neal's gonna do wut he's gonna do, an' I can no more change that then I can change this cancer in me lungs."

"Neal?" Maire nodded, a smile gracing her face.

"My dear heart. Thomas didn' think Neal Halden sounded like a good name, so it came after Nick. Nicholas Neal Halden…my little one." Alex wondered faintly how someone as positively stretched out as Nick could possibly be considered little, but she understood the mother's words. She held a love for her child that was unequivocal. The woman grew a great smile on her face and she winked conspiratorially towards Alex. "So I said do me husband, I said – why not jus call 'im Neal Caffrey then, jus' name him completely after meself." She laughed brightly, and Alex couldn't help but see the humor in it as well, Thomas was the type of man who just might have said yes.

"Nick isn't a bad name for him." She tried to play neutral here and Maire just sighed dramatically (something else Nick seemed to have inherited).

"Aye, it's a fine name for a tyke such as him. Still, he'll always be _my _Neal."

"Aren't you worried though? That if he becomes a criminal…he'll get hurt?" Maire looked at her steadily then, and with a calm and collected face, simply replied:

"It's a mother's duty to be worried about her son, but all I can do is hope that he will not get hurt. He's going to make the choices he makes wit' or witout my consent. There be only a few things I can teach him before I go, and the main one is that whatever he does he doesn't hurt anyone else. Stealin' is one ting to be sure…but harmin' another bein…if there's one thing that he takes from me is that he doesn't hurt anyone else." Alex looked away then, her mind floating to elsewhere as she replied simply-

"You don't have to hurt someone physically to hurt them." Maire reached out and took her hands in hers.

"I know baby, I know that." Before her mind could even comprehend the mental mind-fuck that _that _particular comment meant or insinuated there was a crashing noise of a door being thrown open down stairs. They both turned to listen to the rushing feet that they could easily recognize.

The door to their room was thrown open just as haphazardly, revealing the kid in question. He was grinning like a fool and he was a complete mess from head to toe. He was soaking wet and on top of the copious paint smudges on his clothes, there were grass stains on his pants. There was a poster case in his hands and from the way he was holding it, it seemed clear that he wanted to share with the class.

"Boy, what's got ye in such a rush?" Maire asked in surprise, looking him over with clear distaste on her features. She wasn't pleased with the mess he was making, but he just shrugged that off and moved towards her with the largest smile Alex had seen yet.

"For you madam." He bowed graciously, and passed the poster guard to his mother with all the charisma of a fool.

The woman's fingers slowly (agonizingly slow), her fingers pushed back the clasps and she opened the box. Inside wasn't a poster though, and Alex's eyes widened as she looked over the canvas that was being revealed. It was, in a word, beautiful. Maire could clearly see it as well.

It was a painting, or rather a very detailed and accurate portrait of their family. It was based off of the picture that had been taken in the hall. It had been aged so that everyone was what they appeared to be now. The gap in Nick's teeth was removed for one, and there beside them was a stubbornly painted Alex.

The young thief could hardly believe the level of detail there was in the painting, nor could she believe that she was even included in the first place. The only other major difference in the whole thing was the fact that Maire had long and beautiful locks of red hair that flowed from her scalp.

Maire looked beautiful and she looked healthy in her beauty. It was a picture of how she should look at that moment, not as she did riddled with disease. Between the thoughtful addition of Alex and the even more thoughtful addition of Maire's hair, the painting had driven his mother to tears.

She passed the painting to Alex who took it and looked at it more closely while the mother pulled her soiled son into her arms and held her close. Many of her words were mostly unrecognizable – Alex assumed them to be in her natural Gaelic, but she could hear the words 'love' and 'dear' and of course 'Neal' thrown in together.

"I didn't know that you painted." Alex pointed out as she looked at the image closely. "I've only been here a week…why would you put me in?" Nick glanced at her curiously and then frowned. Taking the painting in his hands he made a show of surprise and he threw her a blatantly accusing look.

"Now how did that happen?" She swatted towards him and he ducked. "I don't know, I figured you were going to stick around for a while, so why not?" He shrugged. At that though, she hesitated. She'd only been there for a week; she knew she was overstaying her welcome already. In truth, she should really have left a long time ago.

She bit her lip, worry starting to fill her. She knew she was setting herself up for failure if she struck around. Maire was going to die, and there was no getting around that. There was nothing that she could do. There was no treatment that they could give. She was going to die.

Then she would look over to Nick. The kid had been annoying as all get out to begin with, and sure, he could still be a bit of a brat, but he'd honestly had started to grow on her. It was something in the casual way that he just simply allowed her into his life. He didn't seem to care or even take note of the fact that she was essentially a stranger to him – he just smiled and started to chat with her each day as though they'd known each other for years.

Maire said that it was because he was a good judge of character. Alex just figured that he was naïve and easily manipulated. Still, from what she could tell, he wasn't that prone to taking bad advice. On more then one occasion she'd watched him working in his father's shop downstairs. He'd run the sales easily as though he'd done it his whole life – he probably had. He didn't let anyone treat him like he was an idiot and he was brilliant when he was putting things together.

Somehow that equated to him understanding what made a good person. Somehow he seemed capable of figuring what made a good character. She supposed if you surrounded yourself with criminals and hoodlums your whole life it was inevitable that you could pick them out in a crowd.

Nick had always treated her kindly and with the all the mannerisms of a flirting best friend. He seemed to know the boundary between what was too much and what was just enough. He never crossed that line, knowing inherently what was past her threshold.

He was certainly no brother figure. Sure, they had their moments, but unless she condoned incest there was nothing of that nature going on there. He didn't see her like a sister, and yet he'd put her in their family portrait. He seemed to be full of contradictions, and while it never would have bothered her in the past to know that she would be leaving people behind…it bothered her that if she left she'd be leaving him as well.

She looked at him easily and without any delusions of what would happen. She could almost see the mask that he'd put up. The carefree smile he'd put up. Yet it hadn't escaped her attention that in the past week that he hadn't gone out; brought home, or spoken of anyone that could be considered a friend.

Nick Halden was essentially a loner. He essentially had no one in his life aside from his family…and that was a rather sad existence. That was rather sad indeed. She had wanted to question him about it countless times. She just didn't know _his _boundaries well enough.

It was easy to her, to understand that if she left that it would probably hurt him – and she didn't _want _to hurt him. She didn't want to see what kind of face he would make when he was lonely or sad. She didn't want to even _think _about it…because in truth she wouldn't be there if she left. She wouldn't be there to see the pain he'd be in, because she'd have left…but she knew that she'd be imagining it for the rest of her life.

"Yeah." She said after a while. "Yeah, I'll stay for a bit I guess." And there it was, a real smile. Not one of the ones that he had an arsenal of, a real one. It made the corners of his eyes drip down, and he had dimples – honest to goodness real dimples that reduced his age by half. He was full of boyish glee and delight and she couldn't believe it, she wasn't sure she'd ever seen someone look so pleased and turn out quite that way.

Maire seemed thrilled as well, and deemed it necessary to treat them out to something. She stood up and declared that they were going to go to the Met. Both of them turned to her in surprise, not expecting that at all.

"Ma…are ye feelin' up to it?" That was Neal, Alex realized. Cute little American-irish lilt and all. That was Maire's boy. That was the kid that she considered her 'little one.' There _was _a distinct difference, and now that she saw it, she wondered how she had ever missed it.

"Ah am indeed boyo, an' ye better believe Ah'm makin' the best of my time with me favorite kids when Ah've got the chance. Innit dat right, Alley?" She looked towards Alex who blinked in confusion.

"Alley?" Nick, Neal, whomever, shrugged.

"Welcome to the family, you have a nickname free of charge. You only have to sell your soul and join the club. Spend a few more dinners here and you're liable for a name change. Don't worry though, all paperwork can be done at minimal cost and I assure you the services will meet your standards." Blue-eyes were out and about, blinking with all the flirtatious grins in the world. He was turning on his Charm full blast and Alex wondered if it was even possible to deny him anything.

"Alley Halden?" She asked with raised eyebrows. Nick and Maire were shaking their heads though.

"No of course not, that just sounds silly. Henceforth you shall always be known as - Alley _Caffrey_." He was teasing her, she just knew it.

"Darlin, to change my name to that, you better be getting down on one knee." Without missing a beat he did so. A completely serious expression on his face, he looked her dead in the eye and asked her.

"Alexandra Hunter, will you marry me?" she raised an eyebrow at the display and glanced towards Maire who was trying desperately not to laugh. She did the only thing that she thought made sense:

"Why not? But I demand a ring." And with a grin, he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and tied it around her finger.

"It's an IOU." She nodded her head, and examined the ring.

"I suppose it will just have to do." He grinned brightly and stood up. Moving forward he kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug.

"Now, now…_dear_…you're going to have to wait for the wedding for any of that." He snickered, and shrugged.

"What do you think about a spring wedding? Only a few more months hmm? Right after I graduate."

"Oh that'd be lovely dears." Maire didn't seem capable of keeping her laughter in anymore. Neither it seemed could Alex or Nick. She ruffled his hair and he flattened it back down without any concern.

When she was a kid, she had had a family…but it had never been like this. It hadn't been the laid back humor and love filled home that made her feel welcomed. It wasn't this way. It wasn't a place that made her want to stay.

And she hadn't. She'd left the moment she'd hit puberty, and had been running ever since. For some reason these people had invited her into their home and had given her a roof over her head. She wasn't sure she could understand it. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to understand it.

"Nick, why don't ye get dressed in somethin a little less…unsavory. We're goin' to have a night on de town." The kid grinned and turned away, running back down the hall to his room. Maire took the painting in her hands and looked over it once more. Alex glanced over it too.

"He's talented." She commented lightly, and Maire agreed quietly.

"With his eye an' dat hand o his…he's goin' ta be able to make anythin' he ever wanted." She looked over to Alex with a fond smile. "My boy is gonna make headlines one day." She stood up and put the canvas on the table in the living room. With that done, she let out a long breath. "His heart is too big though." She looked back at Alex who hesitated.

"Aren't…big hearts good? He cares about people around him."

"He cares…too much. He puts the weight of de world on 'is shoulders. He never lets anythin' go. When I die…he wont be alright." She looked at Alex sadly, and oddly something came over the young woman.

"I'll look after him." She promised soundly, and Maire raised her eyebrows.

"Ah know yer ID says yer twenty-seven, but we do know yer hardly older then Nicky, alright?" Alex felt her mouth open, surprise covering her features as she stared at Maire in shock. "My Thom…he doesn' go to business with anyone without knowin everythin' about dem."

"Is that why you invited me over?" She asked slowly, Maire was about to answer, but another voice cut in.

"Nah, we invited you over because you looked like you needed a place to stay. You're the one who lied about your age." That was Nick. She glanced over towards him. He was wearing a loose dress shirt and dark pants. He looked gorgeous as always, but his face was more serious then she could recall it ever being. "Are you going to leave because of it?" Alex hesitated for a moment, before shaking her head.

"I suppose there's no point now." The tense quality his body had possessed relaxed and a carefree expression crossed his face.

"Great. Welcome to the family." He held his hand out for her. She nodded and took it.

"It's nice to have one." And for once, she considered not leaving this one.


	3. Of School and Parties Part I

**Windstar: **Wow! Thanks to all of my fantastic reviewers, I really appreciate it, and it means so much to me! You guys are awesome and your encouragement is great!

This chapter was originally twenty one pages long...and then I split it up into three. So forgive the rather choppy ending, it was originally much longer. Thank you so much once more, and I hope you enjoy this...mini arc...

**Disclaimer: **See chapter one.

**Of Schools and Parties:**

_October 28, 1995 - November 16, 1995_

One month after Nick had teasingly proposed to her, Alex found herself with a ring on her finger and a laughing teenager who couldn't seem to stop once he saw her face. It was terribly late at night, and he had school the next day – but he refused to go to sleep until they had a chat. That was when he presented his…present…and they'd been talking ever since. "You're determined to continue this joke aren't you?" She asked him with raised eyebrows.

"It's just a bit of fun." He agreed harmlessly. "Just wait, for your birthday I'll make you a certificate." She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You do realize that you're still underage right?"

"Legally I could do you anytime I wanted to…Miss Eighteen…as for getting married – I'll up the date. I'm only a few more months away anyway. By the way, what _is _your real name? It's not Alexandra Hunter." She tilted her head slightly.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you've lied about everything else, why would Alex be your real name?"

"Because I like it?"

"That's even more reason why it's not your real name."

"You don't like your name?" He shrugged.

"Nick's common."

"And you don't like the common?" He sent her a wicked smile and leaned forward.

"Of course not- I like you don't I?" She knew she was blushing, but she forced herself to roll her eyes instead of react much more then that. He was just being the casual flirt that he always was.

She couldn't exactly keep the smile completely off her face though, and she knew that he saw the fact that she had been charmed by him. He grinned in that self-satisfaction way that he always did whenever he knew that he had gotten her good.

"Don't you have any other girls that you like? Kids at school must be all over you." Nick's smile faltered ever so slightly and he shrugged.

"Not really, and besides...that's different."

"Different how?"

"Because they're not real." She frowned, not certain she was following him. So he continued. "The kids at school, they see me and sure, they see how undeniably good looking I am."

"You're so modest." She rolled her eyes at his ego trip and he winked before turning serious again.

"They see money, and art, and talent…and they see… 'Nick Halden, playboy extraordinaire.'" She wasn't quite sure where he was going with this and she didn't quite seem capable of following. He raised his eyebrows at her. "What do you see when you see me? How would you describe me?"

"Funny, a capricious flirt, smart, handsome…friendly, kind, brave, adorable-"

"You think I'm adorable?" He started laughing and his face looked honestly happy by her words.

"Who wouldn't?" He waved his hand as though he were proving his point through her. "Your friends at school?"

"Not really friends if they don't know who I am..." There was more there, and she frowned slightly. He looked oddly sad for a moment and she wasn't quite sure why. He shook his head though and sent her a smile, and she decided not to press it. Instead she moved onwards.

"Just because they don't think you're adorable, they don't know you?"

"No, because they can't tell me what my favorite pastime is. They can't tell me what my favorite food is. They can't tell me what I like to do for fun, or what type of music I listen to…they can't tell me my parent's names or even do they know that my mother is sick. They're not the type of people to stick up for me either if I was in trouble."

"Have you bothered to try to tell them?" Nick tilted his head.

"Tell them what? They don't listen. They don't care. They want to know how to get girls, and the girls want to get laid. None of that has to do anything to do with me as a person."

"So why do you act the way you do then? People see how you act as who you are. You flirt with every girl with two legs, if you didn't want people to think you're a bubble head, why do you?"

"Because after a while, what difference does it make? Sometimes you almost want to know how far you can go and what you can do. Everyone treats me like I can get whatever I want. So I see if I actually can. And when I get in trouble, I see how I can get out of it. When girls spend their entire time trying to have sex with you, wouldn't you eventually stop trying to have a conversation with them? When friends already have a preconceived notion of how it is you're supposed to act...wouldn't you eventually stop trying to be any different?"

"And me?"

"You haven't been trying to screw me since day one, and you haven't tried to change me in anyway. This…" He motioned at the space between them. He motioned at the ring he gave her. "This is just harmless flirting, it's like a dance." He smiled at her, and she nodded.

"You flirt, I flirt?"

"_Haven't_ you been flirting back?" And she hated to admit it, but she had. If she hadn't been, she wouldn't have begun to sit so close to him. She wouldn't keep holding his hand when they went out. She wouldn't begin to feel the urge to return the kisses on the cheeks or she wouldn't be sitting up until three in the morning talking to him for no reason whatsoever.

She felt her breath leave her. The realization dawning on her in a swift burst. She could hardly believe it. It had barely been a month…just one month and her heart had been stolen by this boy. In just one month he had somehow managed to captivate her, and it wasn't just his charming looks or his God-given talent…it was his person.

He was smart and funny, and generous. He was kind. He was loving. He had a heart as big as the moon. He was the most entertaining person she had ever met. He was humorous to be around. And she found, with great stupefaction…that she loved him.

"Well, you're always going to be my Blue-Eyes." She agreed shamelessly. She wasn't dumb enough to believe that he wouldn't figure out what she was saying eventually. It didn't make any difference to her whether or not he knew either. Most likely, he wouldn't care considering he'd pointed the fact out to her.

"_Your _Blue-Eyes?" He asked with a grin.

"What can I say, I'm possessive." She shrugged and laughed.

"Of course you are." He shook his head and stood up. He stretched slightly and started to make his way back to the door to head to his own room, when he paused and glanced over his shoulder. "I do have a friend though. A real one – who isn't you."

"A real one huh?"

"Yeah, I'm not making him up – I swear." He rolled his eyes. "His name's Moz. Or at least that's what Ma and I call him."

"Moz?"

"Mmhmm, he used to do jobs with my dad. Made the worst babysitter in the world – the things that guy'll tell you."

"Sounds like he's a bit older then you are."

"Sure, about ten years or so – that's why he's not around much. He's off doing his own thing."

"You don't talk about him."

"Of course not," He leaned in close to her as though divulging in a secret. "Moz is a bit paranoid…he does not approve of casual droppings of his name – you never know if someone's listening." She laughed at that.

"Sounds like a friend of mine."

"You have a paranoid friend too?"

"Yeah, he's the one that sent me your way."

"I'd love to meet this friend of yours someday."

"Maybe you will."

* * *

They fell into a familiar habit after that day. She'd wake up when she heard his alarm going off in the next room over. Instead of lying in bed though, she'd get up and make breakfast. He'd tease her about being a perfect little 'wifey' and give her a kiss on the cheek before running out to go to school.

She'd head out on the town after cleaning up the house and talking with a newly awakened Maire for a bit. She'd do her rounds, pick a few pockets, and find a new mark. By the time that she had jotted down her information, she'd head over to his high school and wait for him to get let out.

She supposed that it was morbid curiosity, but she wanted to see what the handsome and well loved boy looked like in his own environment and if he really was telling the truth about his current friend status. She didn't doubt that it was a lie, but she couldn't quite understand what it would look like.

If he supposed that was her reasoning, he never let on. He'd exit the building with a carefree smile, immediately meet her eyes and wave. She'd wave back and then wait for him to cross the street to get to her. He'd always leave the school by himself and it didn't seem that many people even noticed that he existed.

It made her sad, in truth. She'd look across the street and watch the countless kids rush from the building, and there would be the most beautiful of them all…and he'd be walking alone. It didn't seem right, and in fact she found herself questioning the sanity of the youth of today. Nick Halden moved and walked with a grace that was admirable for someone so young, and it seemed that all it did was garner him the ability to be a ghost. People seemed to look straight through him, and never know he was there – and yet he was. She could see him clearly. She could see him, and all of his beautiful glow. He was real to her.

"Why doesn't anyone ever pay any attention to you?" She asked once as they were walking back from his school. He shrugged.

"Maybe I don't want them to."

"You're hardly inconspicuous." Tilting his head, she could see the amusement that was clearly written on his expressive features.

"Oh _really_, tell me more?" Rolling her eyes she decided not to. He could handle a few less inflations of his ego.

"How do you always know where I am?" She asked instead, and he grinned at that.

"Because I can see you outside the window of my English class, and I ditch all my friends before hand." Surprise leapt onto her face and she threw him a dirty look, which he just shrugged off. "Why do you want to see them so badly?"

"Who wouldn't want to see Nick Halden in his natural environment?"

"You see me at home all the time." He pointed out with a frown. "Why do you want to see me in school?"

"Different point of view."

"Come visit for a day." He shrugged. "Couldn't be too hard, for an experienced conartist like you."

"What, pull off a day in your highschool?"

"Why not? You're eighteen; theoretically my parents should be forcing you to go to school with me. You're just lucky that they only reserve such torments for members of their blood kin."

"And what am I supposed to say?" She asked with a frown.

"Like I'm going to tell you that. Figure it out, you're a big girl." A snort of frustration bubbled up in her throat, but he did have a point. If she was going to go off and run cons in the big leagues she shouldn't be asking _little Nicky _for advice. "So are you coming, or not?"

"I'll come."

Maire and Thomas looked surprised when they returned that night and explained their plans to them. Still, they didn't seem to mind the idea and just told them to not cause any trouble. Alex swore that she wouldn't, but for a moment she was honestly confused. She couldn't understand exactly how much trouble they thought they'd get in. It wasn't like they were going to do anything extreme.

The comment seemed more directed towards Nick though, because while he was looking like an angel, he certainly had his halo held up by devil horns at time. There was something a little _too _innocent in the way that he managed to get her to agree to go to school, and she felt tricked after she thought about it somewhat.

It had been over five years since she last stepped foot on a school campus. After she'd left home, she'd slipped through every crack imaginable and she spent her days in the library and the museum and self taught herself everything she knew. By the time someone caught on to her age and the day and a truant officer arrived – she'd be long gone.

The fact that she was voluntarily going to step foot in a school building again made her question her sanity for a brief amount of time. She knew she had to be crazy, because only a crazy person would do that. Still – somehow he'd gotten her to agree and that was all 'she' wrote.

The next morning when Nick's alarm went off, she sat up in bed and she got dressed quickly. She looked at herself in the mirror and tried to tell herself that she was eighteen and that this was normal. Going to school was what kids her age did. Which was another thing – _kids_. When was the last time she thought of herself as a kid? She'd been saying she was twenty-five since she was sixteen, and she'd always held herself up to be that way.

Even now, she couldn't quite see the youth that she easily could pick up on in Nick. She couldn't quite see the age that she was trying to become. She only saw herself. Alexandra Hunter – twenty seven…but not. A sudden tremble of fear coursed through her, she didn't know if she could do this.

"I hate to point out the way you look, but I'm going to." She turned her head to look at Nick – he was dressed in his usual casual wear she saw him go to school in. It struck her then just how different _he _dressed when he went to school. Jeans and loose shirts made up his general attire, but when he came home he was usually running about in a dress shirt of some sort. He liked being presentable to the public when he wasn't associated with school.

"Enlighten me." She offered, realizing he probably understood better then anyone what it meant to dress the part.

"You look gorgeous, and you look twenty-something. Still, you look almost _too _good to be going to something as mundane as high-school." She looked back at herself, and watched in the mirror as he approached her slowly. "Don't use so much make up. Sure, you can use the concealer if you really wanted to, but the eye-shadow and the tone your using on your cheeks give the expression that you're older. That's fine, if you're hanging around here or working a job – but this is school. You want to look young or people turn heads." He moved towards the dresser where she'd been keeping the clothes she'd accumulated. Pulling out a much looser, though still pretty, blouse, he turned and held it up. "Lighter colors also make you look younger. When you constantly wear grays or blacks it's the illusion of looking older because of how it reflects and contrasts with the world around you."

"You certainly know a lot about the fashion industry." He shrugged.

"I help out at the theater at the school a lot. I always end up making clothes and the like." He passed the outfit to her, and she took the time to apply makeup remover to her face before she changed outfits.

"Somehow I can imagine you on the stage instead of behind the scenes." She stated evenly, and he held up his hands to show innocence.

"I never said I wasn't. I have many roles…costume designer, set builder, lighting man, main actor on the stage."

"You just like the spot light and the attention. If you do everything, it's just the way you want it to be, and you get all the credit."

"Guilty." He admitted blandly. "If you could see what they were doing before I came along though, you wouldn't be so quick to judge."

"I'm sure nothing was up to the standards of the great artist – Neal Caffrey." He grinned.

"You get it then."

"That Nick likes the sidelines and Neal likes to get all the credit? Yes, you're an average split personality." Rolling his eyes he turned his back so she could change her blouse without being watched. It was thoughtful of him and she did it quickly. "I'm good." And he glanced back. A smile crossed his features.

"You look legal enough to me." And she swatted towards him. He ducked, predictably, but when he straightened he passed her a hair tie that he'd swiped off her dresser. "Tie your hair back." She scowled at the idea.

"I only do that when I'm on a caper."

"And you're going to do it when you go to school too. No one at my school had hair as good looking or as nicely kept as yours. Just tie it back so that people don't stare."

"Are you kidding me? I look terrible with my hair back."

"Leave your bangs down then, and tie the rest back, come on already, we're going to be late."

"Yes Master, I shall obey." She hissed sarcastically and went to grab the tie from him. He pulled it back at the last moment, and frowned.

"On second thought, pigtails." Stunned shock was the only way to describe how she felt at that moment.

"Excuse me?"

"Pigtails, come on, braided pigtails- they'll make you look even younger. It'll be fine." And not for the first time that day – she wanted to kill him.


	4. Of School and Parties Part II

**Windstar: **I'm editing the first three chapters just a little - and you'll notice the change right away on this one. There are going to be dates to let people know where exactly in time we've landed on this Carmen San Diego road trip. Thanks very much for the reviewers I got last chapter- I really appreciated it. I love reading all of your supporting words, and your insight is truly helpful. This story is _not _betaed, and so all mistakes are mine, that's why reviewers like you help me fix them. Thanks very much, and have a great time!

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter.

**Chapter Four: Of School and Parties Part II**

_November 16, 1995_

Alex could have punched Nick when he'd somehow convinced her to put her hair into braided pigtails. He insisted it made her look younger, and she was certain he was right, but that didn't stop her from noting he'd given the idea with a smirk and that obnoxious look had yet to leave his face entirely.

It seemed that every time he glanced towards her, his eyes would be drawn to the braids and he'd have to conceal another laugh. He was enjoying her discomfort and it was bothering her more then she was going to ever admit. Not for the first time she recalled that old saying that she'd been told growing up: if he's bullying you it means he likes you.

That thought soon led her to imagine him as a seven year old flirting with girls on the playground by pushing them off their swings and basically being a menace. Gap in his teeth and all, she couldn't help but find that idea more then a little fun to consider while he was busy laughing at her.

It didn't last too long though, because somehow she couldn't imagine him as truthfully being that kind of demon child. He was much more likely to be the person that gave girls his extra cookie from his lunch box and to pull seats aside. He probably was reading books on etiquette when he was nine and had mastered the art of flattery by ten.

While that became an amusing mental image, it didn't make her feel any better when he was busy laughing at her and she was quickly getting fed up with his completely and totally inappropriate sense of humor. "What's your problem?" She hissed at him in utter frustration.

He repressed another giggle, and when the subway they were on took a sharp turn, he almost lost his usual balance before he grabbed the bar to keep steady. A few other passengers sent them dirty looks, but she could care less. She was getting more and more annoyed with him with each passing minute.

"Nothing, it's just…you look so _cute_." It would have been better if he hadn't snorted half way through, but he did and she felt a certain amount of hatred towards him growing in her heart.

"Just you wait Mr. Higgins…you'll be sorry." She growled lowly, and he tilted his head slightly.

"Seriously? _My Fair Lady_?" He caught the quote much faster then she'd assumed he would and then she realized that he probably knew countless amounts of information on the discussion of musical theatre.

"It could have been _Pygmalion." _She defended awkwardly, and he shook his head.

"No, that line was definitely _My Fair Lady_. Trust me…I have a friend who quotes things constantly, I think it's a game. He keeps quoting obscure lines and expects you to know exactly where it came from."

"He must mess up sometimes." She offered hopefully, but he was shaking his head.

"He has perfect recall, and I think he forgets the rest of the world doesn't."

"You're close."

"Well thanks, that's very kind of you, but I'm not close at all. I remember images better then lines or words. He's been helping me out with that I guess, though. Since that's the way I recall things, he suggested that I remember the particular image of when things take place and what they look like because of it. I'll mess up a lot though, because I'll be able to remember what the page in a book _looks _like, not necessarily what's in it."

"Still, you do have a rather good memory."

"Thanks." He grinned at her, and then his eyes traveled to her pigtails and he started laughing again. She swatted at his arm and he chortled even more.

"This was your idea you jerk." She snapped darkly as she looked at him with a scathing look. He rubbed his arm where she'd hit him and shook his head.

"I thought you said I was adorable?" Leave it to him to latch onto her description of him but not the fact that he had started this mess to begin with. His evasion tactics were admirable.

"I amend that foolish description." The subway stopped and a few people shuffled out. They were given a few brief moments of breathing room before a new crowd crammed in and she found herself being pushed even closer to him. Her eyes scanned the people around them, and they were instantly drawn to a pocket that was bulging out just a little bit more then it would if it was empty.

His eyes seemed to follow hers and he scoffed slightly. "Too easy." He proclaimed, and she hated to admit it, but he was right. There wasn't any fun in swiping the wallet when they were crowded the way that they were. He tilted his head towards someone just behind him, and she glanced at the perspective mark. It was a far richer looking man that was holding a brand new phone in his hands.

Cell-phones weren't all that common, and the clunky device looked like it was more trouble then it was worth. She never had one, and she noted that Nick and his parents didn't have them either. Still, they seemed to be a bragging right to anyone who had them, and the idea seemed pathetically foolish.

If he could afford a cell-phone, he could afford to have his wallet snatched, and from the look that Nick was giving her it seemed clear that he was enjoying the idea of it as well. She wondered why anyone would consider him an angel, the kid was downright devious when it pleased him, and it clearly pleased him. He was enjoying the idea of stealing it, and she found herself enjoying having a partner.

"Your father said not until after you graduate." She reminded him in a bored tone, and he rolled his eyes. She shifted slightly so that she was standing behind him more. She was easily within reaching distance of the man.

"What dad doesn't know won't hurt him." He replied, turning his head to look at her. His lips whispered closely to her ear and she felt a shiver of anticipation course through her. "Besides, it's a harmless amusement to pass the time. Careful of the turn." He warned her and she glanced at him in confusion for a brief moment before the subway took a sharp twist.

One of her hands reached out to catch her balance. He turned and caught her the best he could, but she was slipping. The man with the cell phone looked at her in surprise, catching her fully when Nick couldn't grab her in time. She gave him a thoroughly embarrassed look.

"I'm so sorry!" She cried out as she looked at him. Her face blushed harder then it had done so in a long while, but the man was shaking his head.

"It's no problem, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I didn't realize it'd be quite as sharp!" Nick was shaking his head.

"I told you there was a turn." He pointed out, and she glared at him.

"Yes, thank you." Her tone was darkly sarcastic, but he just shrugged and looked at the man with the cell phone.

"Sorry about all that." The train was reaching its stop, and the man was shaking his head.

"Don't worry, off to school are you?" He asked, as he looked them over.

"Yeah, it's her first day here. She just transferred in from Pennsylvania and she's not used to the trains." She scowled at him, but he kept talking. "This is our stop though, sorry about that again. Come on _Alley_, and keep your damn footing this time." She glared hard at him, not appreciating the comment in the least. Apologizing once more for her own benefit, they started to shift to head out.

The doors opened and they slipped outside. The man watched them leave, and his hands went to his pockets for a moment to check something. Nick and Alex barely noticed when he let out an infuriated shout of protest and went to chase after them – but the doors of the subway were already closing. By they time he managed to get out of the train…they were long gone.

Alex hated to admit it, but they made a rather good team. Nick's guileless blue eyes and his genuinely friendly face was a rather good distraction to begin with. Add that to his silky smooth words and he seemed capable of making anyone believe anything.

He was quick too, and she understood his cues when he gave them. Warning her about the turn had been perfect, in a word, because it had given her the excuse she'd needed to get close enough to the man to find his wallet. His reaching to grab her had made the fall look accidental and not deliberate. Then his cover up seemed even more believable.

One thing was certain; Nick could lie on the spot without any problems. He was one of the smoothest talkers she'd ever known. Holding up the wallet she'd snatched, she opened it up and thumbed through the bills on the inside. She pulled out the cash, and counted the take.

"Only fifty dollars? You'd think he'd have more." She grumbled as she passed the wallet to Nick to look at. He took it, and pulled out the driver's license. Quickly he pulled out a pen and paper from his pocket. She looked at him curiously and watched as he penned down the address on the card. "What are you doing? Going to rob him later tonight?"

"No, there's a post office up ahead. They don't send their trucks out until eight, and it's only seven thirty."

"So?"

"So, they open at seven- and I have stamps." She looked at him with a dumbfounded expression, but followed wordlessly as he walked into the post office and dropped the wallet into a small box. He'd wiped it clear of all prints first, pulling a cloth from his pocket in order to do so. She stared at him as he carefully penned down the man's name and address on the box. Putting the correct amount of postage on it, he smiled charmingly at the lady behind the counter and walked out.

"I take it you do this a lot?" She asked as she watched him lead the way towards his school. He shrugged.

"You can't use the bank cards because most people cancel their accounts as soon as they realize their wallet's been stolen. That and you leave a trail if you do. So you can only use the cash. That's all well and good, but then what are you going to do with the rest of the wallet? People have pictures of their kids and things like that in those. If you're just going to throw it out anyway, why not just mail it to them so they don't lose it?" It was the sweetest most criminal thing she'd ever heard and she ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Come on, I'll buy you a doughnut – Matt McCormick is buying." It amazed her how he could go from bullying her to charming her so quickly. Just then, he hadn't even been trying to flirt. He was just explaining himself, but his reasoning was some of the sweetest things she'd ever heard. He really did have a heart of gold.

"I really do like your pigtails." That smirk was back, and any ground he may have covered was instantly lost. He had a unique way of making her love and hate him at the same time.

"Keep it up, and I'll throw away my ring." He glanced down at the band on her finger and he frowned.

"You wouldn't do that." He murmured softly. He almost looked disheartened at that idea. She shook her head though, and threaded her fingers with his.

"No, I wouldn't." She agreed. "Because a much nicer version of you gave this to me." He rolled his eyes.

"I take it you like 'Nick' better then 'Neal'?"

"Nick _is _a bit nicer." She smiled at him, and they stopped by a street cart. "Two jelly doughnuts please." She requested, and the man behind the counter quickly retrieved them for her. "Thanks." She paid, and handed him his food before they continued on their way.

"Yeah, but it was _Neal _who helped you steal fifty bucks." He pointed out once the coast was clear, and she laughed.

"Darlin', you didn't help me do anything. I could have done it perfectly fine without your help."

"Hey, that's not very nice." He told her with a sour expression.

"Well, whatever. I never said I was a nice person."

"True, but that doesn't change the fact that you do have a nice side too."

"Hold off on any impromptu names, you're the only one around here who's going to be calling his split personality anything."

"You, clearly, are no fun." They rounded the corner that led to his school, and they hesitated before approaching the building. "You ready?" He asked calmly, and she rolled her eyes.

"Of course." And they entered.

The first thing that she noticed was that the moment they entered the building, Nick Halden disappeared and was replaced by Neal Caffrey. It was a very subtle shift, but it was there nonetheless. There was a small difference in his face…a small change in his posture.

He walked with the same fluidity that he always had, but it looked almost _more _graceful then usual. He was almost more relaxed or casual. His face adopted an expression she'd never seen before – and she'd been rather good at memorizing his looks.

It was calculating, decisive, opinionated, and almost by default – closed off to the world. She looked at him in surprise. The teasing boy she loved and cherished had vanished almost immediately upon entering the school. He disappeared and was replaced by this double, this doppelganger. He looked so completely foreign to her that she wasn't sure what it was she was supposed to do.

She felt an urge to take his hand, make him look at her, and see if he truly was the same boy she'd come in with. The corners of his eyes were pressed downwards. His lips – while smiling – weren't forming the same expression she was used to. An urge to leave suddenly came upon her. She didn't want to see this. She didn't want to see an extended period of Neal Caffrey, she wanted to see Nick Halden – the boy who was quickly becoming her best friend.

They approached a locker, and she watched him absentmindedly turn the combination. There was a mirror inside the door, and after he opened it he glanced towards it. Her face was reflected there and he must have caught the expression on her features, because he turned and looked at her with surprise and worry all over his face.

"Are you alright?" He asked, and that was Nick. She recognized him again. She recognized this look. This was a look he gave towards his mother when he came home and wanted to know how she was doing. This look was familiar, comfortable.

"Fine." She told him softly. "I don't like Neal." Her mouth moved around the words before her brain caught up with her and told her that she sounded crazy. He blinked at her in confusion for a brief moment before a flash of pain crossed his face. Her heart tore, she hadn't meant to hurt him – she truly hadn't. She hadn't meant to cause him any injury.

His hand reached up and touched _her _face now, and he leaned close to her. His blue eyes met her brown ones, and she could almost _feel _his Charm as it snaked its way into her body from his fingertips. She could almost feel the weight of his feelings crashing down on her to let her know that he was still there.

"I'm still me." He told her gently.

"Are you?" She asked quietly. "You're lying to everyone!" Perhaps that was what bothered her the most. Perhaps that was what had truly gotten to her. She had seen the way the other students in the school had immediately given him a few steps of grace room so that he could pass by unmolested.

He was sending off a metaphysical electric wave about him. It shouted stay away, but his eyes were screaming for someone to come close. He was creating stagnant space. People saw him – they stopped and turned, but they did nothing. They were frozen. He was freezing them. His simple presence caused them to stutter and halt. They didn't know what to make of him, and he was giving them no explanation.

He was giving the aura of someone who was dangerous and someone who was not to be bothered, but that wasn't who he was. He was giving that impression to the world, but that was not the person that he really was. She knew it wasn't. She had seen him. She had seen the gentle and the loving heart that he really possessed.

So why was he acting in a manner that was so stand offish? How could he live his life like that? How could his entire life be a lie? Wouldn't that simply get exhausting? She was certain that it would. There was no way that it couldn't be like that. There was no way that it could be anything but that. "How can you possibly be the same person?" She asked him, feeling the words choke in her throat.

"Because they don't matter. No one else matters." He told her with a determination she wasn't used to seeing in him.

"How do I know you're not lying to me?" She asked him softly. "Who's real, Nick or Neal?" She asked him painfully.

He looked at her for a long while, his eyes scanning over her face. He eventually lowered his hand from her face, and looked at her calmly. "Nick's real." He decided eventually. "Neal doesn't exist."

"Then why pretend?" She asked him. A pained look crossed his features, and he shook his head.

"Because it's easier to push people away then watch them get hurt, or to be hurt any more by them."

This argument sounded eerily familiar. This argument sounded like she had heard herself give on more the one occasion. She had left home for that reason. It was easier to push people away. If she were alone then she wouldn't have to worry about betrayal or betraying. She wouldn't have to worry about someone hurting her or her hurting them.

If she just used people, if she just used them and then threw them away then there was no relationship. There was nothing that could be torn apart. There was only ever the feeling of intense and unnatural loneliness. It created a gaping hole in her body, and yet over the past few weeks and months…Nick Halden had started to fill it.

For the first time in years, she was letting someone else in her life. She was letting someone else get close to her. Perhaps that's why she was so terrified. She was terrified because she watched him easily and without any thought- push away all the people in the school. He pushed them so hard that they were no longer apart of his life. They were gone, and he was simply alone. He only allowed a few people in. He let his parents in, he let her in (for some reason) and he let this supposed best friend of his in.

Everyone else was given the mask. Everyone else was given the clever artist and thief that Maire had named Neal. Everyone else was given the lie. He was living her psychosis, but he was doing so with more connections then she had ever had.

Where she had simply detached herself from the world, he had created two different parts of himself. He had created Nick Halden, the true person he was behind all the bullshit. And he had created Neal Caffrey, his lying and stealing persona that was more then capable of keeping everyone at arm's length, but using them for all they were worth while he did so.

"Alex?" She focused back on his face. He was looking at her with worry in his eyes. "Do you want to go home?" She shook her head. She came to see what he was like at school. That was her mission. If that meant that she was going to truly and honestly see Neal Caffrey for the first time, then so be it. She would meet this person, and she would get to know him. She was determined to be the first friend that Neal Caffrey ever had. She was determined to befriend every part of Nick Halden, because he had done that for her. He had become her first friend in years. She owed him that much.

"Carry on Neal, show me the life that you live." He nodded, and glanced over her shoulder. She was about to turn to see what he was looking at, when he lowered his lips down to her ear and whispered to her.

"You're the only one I won't push away, Alley. You're the only one I've ever wanted to keep near." And she was so stunned by his words, that she was motionless with shock. He closed his locker, and locked it. His hand slipped into hers and he gave it a gentle squeeze before releasing it and starting back down the hallway.

Keeping that in mind, it didn't seem to matter anymore that Neal Caffrey existed. Because at the end of the day, _she _was the one person that he never wanted to see go away. She was the one that he said he wanted to stay with. Her heart soared. She felt nothing but complete and undeniable love for this boy.


	5. Of School and Parties Part III

**Windstar: **Thanks very much to my fantastic reviewers, it means so much to me to have your wonderful comments! The more reviews I get, the more I feel inclined to update. It honestly makes me feel like you all care. I love reading them. Thank you kindly! As a brief warning, many things in this chapter will not quite make sense but it will all be explained later on and it will be important too! Thanks very much, and I cant wait to see what you all say next!

Another thing, this chapter is a bit longer then usual. I apologize for that, but I hope that you'll be happy for it. You'll understand when you start reading exactly what's happening why things turn out the way that they do.

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter.

**Chapter Five: **

_November 16, 1995 _

Neal Caffrey, as she would soon find out, was a man of many tastes and talents. She had easily managed to con her way into the classroom – spinning a tale of how she had just moved to the area and that she was looking at schools to figure out which one would be best for her to attend for the remainder of senior year. The teachers had excused her shadowing of Nick, and that had been that.

In class, she would watch Nick closely and would observe him as he acted the way that he did. He was so foreign to her and it surprised her because she had no idea of what to do or say around him. Every once and a while, he would look over to her and smile just the way he usually did, and it helped ease how uncomfortable she was feeling around him.

He took an enormous course load, and she realized that quickly enough. He was in every advanced curriculum class she thought that they offered, and was stunned to find that (while she always knew he was smart) he was the top of his class in all cases. He didn't seem to pay attention to what was going on around him half the time, but whenever the class couldn't answer a question he was usually called on to fill in the blanks.

She never saw him without the answer, and he said it in such a casual tone that she wondered if he was even aware of how amazing it was that he could do complex multiplication and division in his head, or that he could recall obscure details of history or English with relative ease. She wondered if he even knew how smart he was.

She doubted it, especially because of how genuinely confused he seemed to be when it came to his attention that the rest of the class couldn't keep up with him. He'd work on his homework in class, which made her wonder what he was doing at home that she'd assume was homework.

She noticed that he had the ability to do two things at once, and was a phenomenal multitask-er. He would work on his homework while sitting in class, pay attention to the teacher, know what question was being asked when, and keep an eye on the student body all at the same time. His eyes were constantly flicking about the room – taking people in and making sure that everything was going on exactly as it should be.

Then there was her; his eyes always managed to find hers and he always would smile to show her that everything was all right. It made her feel alive. It made her feel like she was being cared for and that someone believed in her and want to know that she was okay.

The bell rang at eleven thirty, and she looked towards him expectantly. All the other students were standing up to pack up, but he kept still – his mind on something or other. She reached over and touched his arm, and he glanced towards her. "How do you like College level math?" He asked her innocently.

"It looks difficult." She admitted, glancing at the door to where a group of kids were walking in. They were making their way towards them. His eyes were looking at them as well.

"Alex, what you're about to see you're not going to like. But I don't have time to explain right now."

"Nick?" She murmured softly, trying to understand what the warning in his voice was. He shook his head ever so slightly, and she felt as though her voice was locked away. She didn't say anything, she couldn't. There was something in him that was telling her not to, and so she stayed silent and only observed.

The group was made up of five people. Four were boys; one was a girl. They all looked to be seniors, and two of boys were much larger then both Nick and her. They were broad and bulked out (almost on steroids they were so built). Their beefy heads and shoulders didn't seem to agree much with their necks and that part of their body apparently gave up and vanished some time ago.

The one leading the group was a bit smaller – but not by much. He was proportionately shaped, but that didn't mean that he wasn't just as muscular as the boys behind him. He looked like he spent his evenings bench pressing and that he ran for a living.

The other boy was around the same height and weight of Nick. He had light brown hair and he was dressed far more casually then the muscle men beside him. He looked rather uncomfortable about being there, and he glanced at Nick with an almost pleading desire to not get too riled up.

The girl was blonde, tall, and had the outward appearance of a cheerleader. She was even in uniform. On that note, Alex looked the boys over. They looked like linemen from the football team plus their noble running back. By the time the group had made their way to a stop right before them, they were the only ones in the room – the teacher had long since left.

"Hey, Halden." The lead male said, his voice almost casual, as he looked Nick over.

"Emrys, Dan, Rich…you even brought Todd and May along too." He nodded to each of them in turn, and Alex wondered if that was for her benefit as well so that she had a name to place on all of the members of the group.

"Tell the chick to get lost, we need to talk." A stubborn form of frustration overran Alex and she raised her eyebrows.

"You can tell the _lady _yourself, and I don't feel particularly inclined to talk to you." Nick stood up slowly, taking hold of his bag and shoving his books into it. "You want to go out to eat Alex?" He focused solely on her and she blinked at that. His easy going brushing off of these people didn't particularly seem as casual as he was making it out to be. Something was most certainly wrong with this picture.

"Yeah, sure." She stood up with him, but before they could make their way around the group the head man shoved Nick _hard_ into the back wall.

"We're not done here."

"Yes we are. You can take that swing at me right now, and just make things worse for yourself and your brother, or you can let us go and just accept your fate gracefully. You're only hurting yourself by doing this though Emrys. You're only going to make things worse…"

"Things are going to get a lot worse for you if you don't learn to keep your mouth shut." That sounded eerily like a threat and Alex glanced at Nick's face for a long while. He didn't seem bothered by the idea, but at the same time – he was channeling his full Neal Caffrey charm of persuasion. This wasn't going to end pretty for anyone and he knew it too.

She wasn't surprised, truly, to know that someone had a problem with Nick, but at the same time she hadn't expected this level of confrontation. She hadn't expected him to be so severely outclassed here. What surprised her more was the fact that she had never even heard of some sort of situation between him and people at school.

He rarely, if ever, mentioned what it was like inside the building. Now that she was getting this point of view though – it wasn't hard to see why it was that he acted a certain way. If Emrys and his buddies were dead set on being complete and total bullies, then why wouldn't he react enough to push everyone around him away?

"Alex…do you mind heading to lunch without me? I'll catch up in a few." She looked at him with a dark expression and when he met her eyes he knew that that too was a losing battle. She wasn't leaving him alone with Dumb and Dumber and their collection of jarheads.

"Take his advice, freshie." Her eyebrows arched, and despite the situation she could have _sworn _that Nick was holding back a laugh. His lips were quirking slightly and his Neal Caffrey façade had disappeared behind his Nick Halden humor. He raised a hand to his mouth to cover his smile and he coughed slightly for emphasis.

"Oh you're just loving this aren't you?" She snapped darkly, and he shook his head.

"I told you the pigtails made you look young." He supplied with another attempt to hide his laughter. Emrys and his buddies glanced between them in confusion, but neither were particularly inclined to explain. Once the initial humor had faded though, Neal Caffrey slid back in place and he met them with a cynical expression. "Look guys, I understand family loyalty, I really do, but Jennifer was killed because what happened. Johnny deserves to go to prison for that-" Emrys shot forward, and May screamed in surprise.

Nick's back was shoved roughly against the wall, and Alex made to help him when one of the other boys grabbed her arms and held her still. She scowled at them, and was almost thankful that it was the tiniest of the group because it made her job a hell of a lot easier. She was poised and ready to start smashing toes with her heel when Emrys started talking – shouting really – at her friend.

"That's _my _brother you're badmouthing. He's in jail right now-"

"He murdered that girl, I'm not changing my story just because you don't want to see Johnny in jail. I get that he has problems and that he's trying to work through them, but that doesn't negate the fact that Jennifer is dead and her family is in mourning. How would you feel if you came home to find Johnny dead? Wouldn't you want whoever killed him to be put behind bars? Think about it man. Think about Jenny…he held her under for too long – and he wouldn't let her back up. If someone did that to your brother, don't you think you'd want retribution?" Alex went to pull away again, but the boy holding her shook her and she looked to him.

"Wait. Em' won't hurt him. I promise."

"Looks can be deceiving." She snapped back as she motioned towards where the big boy was holding the kid steady. The smaller one shook his head.

"They've been friends for too long, this is just Em's way of blowing off steam. It's Dan and Rich you should be worried about." Even as he said those words, Emrys started to release Nick from where he'd been pinned. He looked away and sighed heavily. Alex glanced towards the meat heads who looked ready to jump out of their skin they were so itching for some action, but they stayed stationary - for now.

"You're a real prick, you know that Halden?" Neal shrugged, smile firmly in place.

"Yeah, but at least I'm a moral prick." Alex felt the boy behind her slowly let go of her and she moved back to Nick's side.

"You going to introduce me to your girlfriend?" Emrys asked suddenly, and it could only be Caffrey who laughed and shrugged.

"Sure, Alex this is Emrys. He's been my best friend since kindergarten. The blockhead on the right is Dan, and that's Rich. Todd's the guy who kept you from doing something stupid, and May's…well May." He was teasing the cheerleader and she scoffed and said something smarmy. Alex wasn't paying too much attention though; she was looking at Neal's eyes. She was trying to understand the abrupt end to the conversation and how fast everything had been put together. None of this made any sense whatsoever, and from the strained look on the corners of Nick's eyes, it was clear that he wasn't exactly fond of the happenings around them either. This was all B.S. he didn't consider any of these people his friends. He didn't care about any of them. Still, she might as well play along for now.

"You fight with all your friends this much?" He scoffed.

"Only on days that end in 'y.'" Emrys was looking her over and he put an arm around Neal's shoulders.

"Tell you what, you're _way _out of Halden's league-"

"And that means I'm _way _out of yours too." She sniped back, and she could have sworn she saw Nick laughing in those Baby-Blues. Emrys didn't seem to know what to make out of that comment and looked at Neal in confusion.

"What can I say? She's got a mind of her own." He shrugged slightly. "But I did promise the lady a lunch, and we don't have much time left. I'll catch up with you guys another time, alright?"

"That's what you keep saying, but after Jen died you haven't come within ten yards of us." Todd spoke up this time, and Neal made an offhand gesture.

"It's been a bit awkward since Jen died, what with conflicting stories and all... We'll figure something out." That was the most blatant lie yet, but she heard the dismissal in his tone. He had his hand on her arm and he started to pull her away.

She glanced back towards where Emrys and his group were standing. They were watching them leave and she almost could tell that there was a hurt that could not be fixed on their faces. She wondered just what exactly had happened that had caused the fallout. Clearly someone had passed away, but she'd never heard any mention of any of these people at home and she couldn't imagine just what had happened.

Lunch, as it turned out, was a rather silent affair. Nick looked rather desolate and he wasn't in the mood to talk to her about anything. It didn't take a genius to put together all the facts from when she'd picked him up from school. He was usually quiet to start out with and then would flirt with her the rest of the way. He always left the building alone. No one seemed to notice him, or were too busy to notice him.

If he'd had as large of a falling out as she was assuming he'd had – it wasn't a stretch of the imagination to realize that was probably around the time that his attitude towards school had completely shifted. Still, all things considered – he didn't exactly seem like the football type, and she had a hard time imagining him with the group of boys they'd left.

She could see him with May, certainly, but May was a pretty girl and it seemed like people liked to flirt with him. Which was another thing she noticed at lunch – it seemed like that was the time when all of the whores of the school came up to make an attempt at him.

She was certain she'd never been more disgusted a day in her life. After just being emotionally mind-fucked by Emrys and his group, he was immediately subjected to the flaunting breasts and bodies of girls with little to no self-respect. He charmed his way out of most situations, but one girl got a bit grabby and actually kissed him. It was the first time she'd ever seen him get kissed (despite all of their flirting they'd never touched each others lips, only brief slides along the cheek as a friendly tease).

His back tensed and his eyes stared at the girl as though she was crazy and it was clear that he did not enjoy it in the least. When the girl seemed finished – he wasn't one to actually shove someone away from him physically – he gave her a coy response and she flounced away with her head held up in the air like she was the Queen of the world.

He ducked his head slightly, apologized, and focused back on the food in front of them. They hadn't left the grounds like they'd intended – instead they'd just gone to the cafeteria, which is probably how this whole mess had started in the first place. She would have much more preferred to skip lunch then watch him suffer through their barrage.

Afterwards there were still two more classes of the day, and she went with him to each. She noticed Dan and Rich were in one each respectively, and they kept looking their way as though they were the scum of the earth. Clearly, despite Emrys' acceptance of the situation earlier, they were not equally as amused. She didn't doubt that Nick, or Neal rather, hadn noticed, but he kept his focus off them.

He seemed mildly more distracted and he didn't bother with doing his homework in those classes – which explained why he usually had something to do when he got home. In those classes, he just stared out the window with his hands in his pockets looking terribly sullen. This too, she was certain, was an act for Dan and Rich's benefit, and she tried to keep herself aware of that fact. He did look honestly sad though, and it made her heart break for him.

The final bell rang, and he took his books and pushed them into his bag. Dan came over and gave him a fierce shove and he mumbled something that Alex missed before storming out of the room. Alex watched him go with a furious expression on her face. She wanted nothing more then to punch the boy flat on his back and see how he liked it.

"Don't do that." She glanced to Nick who was looking at her from under his big blue eyes.

"Do what?"

"Hit Dan or them. I'm pretty sure they can take you." He supplied weakly.

"They're hurting you."

"They're mad, it happens. And this…" He motioned in the air as though to gesture towards the whole day they'd had. "I'm used to. It's nothing new, and it's no big deal."

"Do your parents know?"

"About the post-Jenny situation? Yeah, they know."

"And they haven't done anything?"

"What are they going to do? Write a note to the school to tell the teachers to look out for me? Or maybe show up on the school bus and yell at Emrys and them in front of everyone just to prove a point? You do realize that parent involvement in bullying only makes it get worse right?" No, actually, she didn't. She'd never stuck around long enough or dared to complain long enough for either of her parent to get involved in anything.

"What happened?" He sighed and motioned towards the door.

"Lets start to head home, I'll tell you on the way." She nodded, and they made their way towards the entrance.

They started off quietly, neither really speaking about anything. She didn't want to press too much, and he didn't want to speak without having his thoughts together. Because lunch was such a complete waste of time, they stopped in at a quick shop and grabbed what they could off the shelves that looked edible. She offered to pay, and he didn't think twice of it - handing his food to her with a brief nod.

They left the shop and started making their way down the street, and she felt a strong desire to just wring the words out of him. Eventually though, he sighed and started to speak, clearly understanding his perilous situation. "So what do you want to know?" Nick asked her as he bit into the sandwich that she'd bought for him with their stolen money. She shrugged.

"What happened to Jenny?" And he nodded.

"I wasn't lying when I said that I'd been best friends with Emrys since kindergarten."

"What about your buddy…Mose?"

"It's Moz, and he's been practically family since before I was born, he's a true friend…I guess you'd call him Nick's friend, where they'd be Neal's, but that's a different story. For this let's just focus on the fact that I did used to hang out with them."

"Don't seem the type." He laughed at that.

"Believe it or not, I was actually Quarterback." And she really couldn't believe it. Nick may not have been short, but he certainly wasn't the puffed up figure of muscle and lard that the others were. He was certainly well built, but he simply looked…too delicate…to be on the football field. "I have a mean throwing arm, and damn can I avoid getting hit when I want to." She looked close towards him, determined to catch the hint that he was lying. And there it was, that little twinkle in his eye.

"You're so full of shit." He broke, and the sweet sound of his amusement filtered from his lips.

"Yeah, maybe. Still, in kindergarten no one thinks about what sport they're going to play. When required for gym I'd be forced to play – and I was good at it I guess, I just don't really consider it a fun pastime. Emrys got all into that when his older brother Johnny started playing."

"Johnny's the one in jail?" He nodded.

"He's about four or five years older then us. He's a loser in the practical sense of the term. He bums around and gets high and then comes back home to hang out with all of Emrys' friends. He decided which friends were cool for Em to hang out with, and that's how Dan and Rich got involved. They're like the sentries that John has on his brother, and whenever Em messes up they're there to remind him just how much better Johnny would have done it."

"They sound like true angels." She could see that easily, and clearly whatever happened with Jenny had moved Nick into bully target number one.

"Todd and May are real nice, they've been going together since freshman year and they tend to stay out of Johnny's affairs when possible."

"I take it this wasn't a 'when possible' moment for them?"

"No, this was a 'we're all so royally fucked' moment for everyone." She rarely, if ever, heard him curse and it stopped her long enough to notice that his eyes were dark and that he had a rather forced expression on his face. He wasn't happy. "Jenny was just a nobody. No one cared about her or even knew she existed. She wasn't a friend, or a comrade, or even an acquaintance. Hell, I found out what her name was only a few minutes before she died. I guess calling her Jenny rather then Jennifer makes it seem like we knew her more and that her death was more meaningful then it was at the time, but in truth I had no idea who she was.

"Em was having a party at his house, and Johnny was there. A whole bunch of kids from the school showed up; Rich, Dan, Todd, and May were obviously there, and a whole bunch of Johnny's druggie cohorts were there also. There was beer and whisky and a huge amount of drug dealing going on. And by drug dealing, I mean Mickies." She tried to envision this scene, but it wasn't going very well. She couldn't even imagine him there in the first place. "I told Em I was heading out, I didn't want to stick around, and he was getting fed up with the whole thing anyway. He wasn't really into drugs, and the party was getting out of hand."

They moved down the stairs to head into the subway, and both of them flashed their metro passes to the scanner and moved through. They made it just in time because their train showed up not long afterwards and the doors opened with a hiss. Stepping inside, they managed to snag a few seats and she turned to him so he could finish.

"That's when Jenny came. Johnny had invited her as a way to torment her, and when she showed up, he took it as his personal invitation to make her miserable in front of everyone. I can't actually tell you what happened fully, because somewhere along the way I'd gotten slipped something. I woke up in Em's room with Jenny. Todd and May were there too. There was a lot of yelling going on downstairs, but I didn't think anything of it, I was more freaked out because of the fact that I couldn't remember the past four hours of my life and I was a little lacking in the clothes department." Shock flashed on Alex's face, and he shrugged. "Todd and May were both dressed so it wasn't them, I never really did figure out what happened to be honest. It's just a bit bothersome is all."

"Bothersome? You could have had sex with someone and that's all you say about it?"

"Hey, I could have had sex with a lot of people, but I can't change it now. I went and got tested for STDs and the like – I'm fine by the way – and that's all I could do about it. I was a little more preoccupied at that particular moment with the fact that _Jenny_ was wide-awake and naked and shivering like it was friggin' twenty below. So I asked her what happened, and she didn't say anything. I asked her if we'd had sex, and she shook her head.

"So I pulled my clothes on and tried to find hers. Todd and May both woke up, but they were a bit out of it still and completely hung over. I couldn't track down Jenny's exact things to wear, but I grabbed some shorts and a shirt from one of Em's drawers and I gave them to her so she wouldn't be so exposed. She thanked me, and then I told her I was going to take her home and that I was done with this whole bull shit excuse for a party.

"She agreed, and I helped her up. I _had _to help her up - she was black and blue from her clavicle to her hips, and her ankle was swollen real bad." Alex stared at him, her lips parting in shock as she tried to imagine this scene. "I asked her what her name was, and she told me. So I told her mine and we started to make our way downstairs towards the door.

"Which is where we promptly headed into a fight between Johnny and Emrys. Em was pissed because his friends had gotten drugged and drunk out of their minds and he hadn't wanted that to happen. I'm pretty sure he knew what happened to me after I blacked out, but I can't say for certain. He was a lot more infuriated then usual and he never really got that way before. That, and Cindy Chapkin – the girl who kissed me earlier today – has been a whole lot more friendly then before, and Cindy was Em's girlfriend at the time. They broke up after the party.

"Anyway, Emrys was pissed, and Johnny didn't want to hear it. I figured a silent retreat was best for all, and we started to head out when we ran into Dan and Rich who shoved us into the living room where this battle was being drawn out. They mentioned that we were about to leave, and Em exploded – saying that we had every right to leave after what had happened, and he'd steal his parent's car himself if he had to.

"Johnny got even more angry and told him that this is what bad friendships did – it made him act out. He said that we both deserved everything that we'd got, and that it was our fault it happened in the first place. Jen started crying, and he began screaming even more at her, but Dan and Rich wouldn't let us leave. He grabbed her and started to pull her towards the bathroom, and I went after him telling him to knock it off and just let us go home." He stopped for a moment, and sighed. "Dan or Rich, I can't really remember which one – it could have been both – grabbed me. Em started fighting to get passed them, at which point Todd and May came downstairs to figure out what all the fuss was about. And while all this chaos was going on – Johnny was drowning Jennifer in the toilet and refusing to let her up to breathe."

Alex stared at Neal, her mouth wide open. She could almost see this picture clearly. She could almost make out the looks on their faces. She could almost see Nick struggling to get free of his hold so he could get to Johnny and the girl that he barely knew, and was drowning.

"Afterwards, Jennifer was dead. I finally got free of Dan and punched Johnny off of her, but she was already gone. None of us knew CPR or anything like that, so we had no idea what to do. If we had, we might have just been able to save her, but who knows." The subway came to a stop, and they swiftly left it.

He seemed keenly attentive to the fact that he wanted to stay in front of her, and whenever she tried to walk at his side, he would take a few steps faster and she'd trail behind again. In this way they walked towards his home. She stayed behind him; uncertain as what it was that she was supposed to say and uncertain as to if he had anything more he wanted to say.

She watched him with eyes, unaccusing. It was not his fault that Jenny died. He'd done everything he possibly could have done, and if anyone was at fault – it was Johnny and his lot. She did not think poorly of him. She did not think that he was to be blamed.

It made an almost sickening amount of sense, in truth. The reason he kept himself away from the other kids at school, and why he refused to talk to his friends about what was happening to him or the terror associated with his mother's impending death.

Psychologically, she wondered what that did to a person. She wondered how it felt to be in his shoes. She wondered what it was like, waking up in a room with no recollection of how you got there. She wondered what it was like to see a girl that was clearly abused over the course of the night, and not knowing if he partook in that. She wondered what it was like to try to take her home, only to be loosely involved with her impending manslaughter. She wondered what it was like to feel the guilt of that person's death hanging over you.

He never walked with a hunch. His back remained straight at all times, and his eyes looked outward in front of him. He didn't let it show, physically, that he was hurting from the events that occurred. She knew it had to hurt though. She knew, from looking at him, that he was suffering with the idea of what had happened. No matter what he said...he was not okay.


	6. The Aftermath

**Windstar: **Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, I really appreciate it! This wraps up this arc, and I hope you enjoy it! A bit short, but the next chapter and the ones following should make up for it. Thanks again!

**Chapter: The Aftermath **

They entered the shop on the ground floor, and Thomas glanced up from the paperwork he was doing. His eyes instantly narrowed on his son, and he glanced at Alex with a look that demanded an explanation. She wasn't sure how to respond though, and her voice caught in her throat.

"It's nothing, just had a chat with Emrys." Nick threw over his shoulder to his father who was still glowering at Alex. The man's face softened ever so slightly. "I don't want to talk about it." And with that, Thomas returned to his work. He didn't so much as try to push his son; he just accepted it for what it was.

Alex moved up the stairs after him, and followed Nick as he put on his Neal Caffrey expression one more time for his mother. She watched as he teased and charmed and spoke gently to the woman. She watched as he kissed her cheek and told her about how he'd had a great day, and was there anything he could do for her?

And Alex wondered, just how much was Maire fooled by her son, and just how well did she know him? Did she even know who Nick really was? Or had he always presented before her the look of Neal Caffrey, the son that she never could disapprove of?

Neal flitted about for a while, and eventually he declared that he had homework to do and he made his way to his bedroom. Maire looked after him, watching him leave with a sad expression on her face. Alex looked at the woman with honest hope that she did understand that Nick was lying to her. She didn't know if she liked the prospect of her not knowing her own child.

"Boy's so full of shit that it's a wonder that he don't choke on it." And with that loving comment, Maire turned about and started to do the dishes that were in the sink. Alex couldn't help but give a short humph of agreement as she thought it over, and she felt relief flood over her. At least Maire understood that her son was a pathological liar at times. "Do me a favor Alley?" She looked over to the woman, and Maire reached her hands behind her neck to undo the clasp of a necklace she was wearing.

It was tucked under her dress and so she couldn't see what it was originally, but when the woman pulled it out she felt it was oddly appropriate. It was a semi-delicate celtic cross. The chain was thin and the clasp small, and the cross itself was tiny in comparison to others that she had seen before. It was beautiful though, in all sense of the term. Its small but meaningful presence seemed perfectly fitting for Maire to be wearing.

"Give this to that boy o' mine 'n tell him if he messes his room up he better be puttin' it back in good order." She nodded her head and took the cross from the woman, before heading towards Nick's bedroom.

She knocked once on the door, but waited before entering. She didn't feel entirely comfortable going inside of it without his permission, but she heard a crash of something and instantly shoved it open. In a stunning display of destruction, he'd torn down one of his bookcases and it had scattered everywhere. He threw her a dirty look that she couldn't quite place but clearly meant for her to get out.

"Your mom wanted me to give this to you." She said simply, holding the crucifix up and looking at him expectantly. His eyes went to the chain and it seemed the fight died out of him. He held up his hand, and she made her way through the mess to reach him. Passing it to him, she watched as his fingers traced over the design before he sighed and pressed his hand to his head. The chain dangled from his fingers, but he didn't take note, he just held it there for a moment and took a deep breath.

"What is it about this family, where nothing stays private for long?" He murmured after a moment, and she shrugged.

"I tried to keep my age and history private, that doesn't seem to have lasted long." He glanced up at her and shook his head.

"You weren't being very subtle."

"And you call _this _subtle?" She asked as she motioned towards the mess he created. He shrugged slightly.

"This is…well…anger management?" He offered lightly, and she rolled her eyes at that.

"Anger management? Are you kidding?"

"Ma always said that I'd never hurt a fly, but the bookshelf is suspect." He motioned towards it with distaste. "Don't suppose that I'd be able to get you to help me put it back together?"

Alex frowned slightly, but it didn't last long. "Tell me the rest of the story and I will."

He tilted his head. "There's not much to say. After we realized that Jenny was dead, and that we were royally fucked, there was panic. Everyone wanted to figure out what to do and how to do it. I said that we should call the police and get Johnny arrested for the trash that he was – which got me this:" He pulled up his shirt somewhat, and she leaned in close to see a pale thin line that ran diagonally across his lower abdomen. It disappeared into his waistline, but it reached up and around his torso for a good three inches.

"How did that happen?"

"Punched out a window if you could believe it." He showed her his arms and while they were even fainter and much smaller then the one on his abdomen, she could just make out the thin scars that agreed with his testimony. "I had a bruise on my face for the longest time from where I got hit too."

"Flimsy window." She commented, looking up at his expressive eyes for a moment. He shrugged again.

"Hard punch. I was on the second floor, the fall is what really got me – no broken bones, but this one," he motioned towards the first scar he showed her "I got from landing on a rock they had in their back garden. By that point someone had noticed that all was not well in paradise and called the cops. They arrived just in time to keep me from spilling my guts all over the pavement and bleeding to death, and just in time to cuff Johnny and throw him in jail before he pulled a disappearing act."

"Wait, _someone _called the cops? Not Emrys or Todd or May?"

"That's what I said." He reached down to grab the bookshelf, and she reached down with him. Together they shoved it back into place and he looked at it with an amused expression. "I'm surprised this thing still stands with the amount of time it's been knocked over."

"You need a new anger management therapist."

"Probably."

"So what happened next?" He took a handful of books and started to put them back where they belonged, and he continued.

"Em came to visit me in the hospital, and told me the story they'd fed to the cops. They said that they were having a party, and that we all got a bit wasted. Jennifer came over all messed up already, and we tried to figure out what to do. We left her alone in the bathroom, and when we went to check on her – she was dead. I went through the window after I ran to the phone to call the police and slipped. The window had already been broken previously and they were just waiting to fix it when it happened. That's why it gave in so easily." He shoved a book in its spot with a bit too much emphasis, and it was clear that he was furious with that story. Johnny'd be let out of jail and everything would be fine."

"Did the cops actually believe that line of crap?"

"Of course not, but everyone was all agreeing to the same story and they needed more proof. I was the only other person that would have a different story, and I just woke up on ten kinds of drugs to find out what it was I was supposed to say."

"And you didn't."

"No, I told Emrys he could go to hell, and I told the cops everything. I told them about the drinking, about the drugs getting slipped, I told them about how Em and Johnny's parents were out of town and that they weren't even going to be in the country for another two weeks. I told them how I woke up with no idea what had happened, how I found Jen, and how I watched her get killed. Johnny's currently rotting in prison awaiting his trial, and I'm getting the fifth degree in school because I 'tattled' to the cops."

"That girl is dead though." She could hardly believe the situation, and he didn't seem too fond of the idea either.

"That doesn't seem to matter. Johnny was the only person that had ever been there for Em when he was growing up, and between Dan and Rich the kid's being forced to believe that that's the way things have to be. You saw what happened today though, Em's not a big fan of lying to the police either, he's just not happy that it means his brother's going to jail. He _knows_ that Johnny deserves it, and he deserves a hell of a lot more for things that aren't being judged. His case is closed when it comes to assaulting me though; I'm still a minor and I had a doctor's note saying that I was punched before I fell."

Alex took an armful of books and started to push them back in their place on the shelves. Her mind went over the story and the conversation that had happened in school. "Todd and May don't seem to want to get involved."

"That's because Todd and May were forced to get involved. They stayed clear of Dan and Rich too, and they didn't want anything to do with this mess. Then Jenny died and suddenly they started to get harassed and pummeled so that they don't squeal. It's turning into a rather large nightmare for _everyone_ involved."

"And that's why you're Neal Caffrey in school?" He tilted his head and looked at her for a long while.

"Neal Caffrey came about after that whole mess, yes, but it's a lot to do with me ma. She's dying, in case you haven't noticed, and my life at the moment is a bit complicated – in case you haven't noticed _that_. I'm not going to put this on her plate when she has more important things to talk about or do. She doesn't need to worry about what's going on at school and if I'm getting into fights or anything. She doesn't need to worry about if I'm going to be okay or not. I'm fine. I'm stressed as hell, but I'm fine." He hesitated and focused back on the books in his hands. "And since it _is _my last year at school, I only have seven more months to deal with this before I leave and never have to think about them again. So yeah, I push people away from me. They don't get hurt, I don't watch them die because I'm not fast enough to get there, and we all go home happy."

That particular wording made Alex stare at him with wide-eyed shock. She reached out, her hand touching his, forcing his eyes to look up at meet her face. "Nick, it's not your fault." She told him softly. "It's not, you couldn't do anything."

"I got away from Dan and Rich…I could have done it sooner if I was just a little faster."

"Nick, Johnny sounds completely crazy. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that death-"

"We could have gone out a different way, we shouldn't have tried to leave." The book in his hands slammed back down onto the ground and he turned away from her, a tense quality taking over his back and his neck. His face was awash with a grimace and he raised one of his hands to massage his temples as he forced himself to breathe. "I got away from them…I should have been faster. I could have saved her if I was faster. If I'd just moved."

"Nick, you can't save everyone." She reached for him, turning him back to look at her. Her hands moved to touch his face, forcing him to look at her and to not turn away. "You can't save everyone. People die, bad things happen. That's life, that's what's going to occur. You…you can't save Maire either. You know that right?" Fury crossed his features at that, and he tried to pull away from her. She wouldn't let him go.

He raised his arm and struck out, shoving her hands off of him as he turned about and in a wild swing knocked a lamp clear off his desk and onto the floor. He grit his teeth loud enough that there was a grinding noise filling the room and his foot kicking a box of art supplies hard enough to dent it.

His hands slammed down onto the desk, gripping it ruthlessly, and his eyes squeezed shut. "Shut up Alex." He hissed, refusing to turn to her.

"Nick, listen to me."

"Just shut up."

"Listen to me you big baby!" His face reflected his shock and he turned to her in clear surprise. "Throwing a tantrum every time something goes wrong in your life doesn't fix anything! It just means that you're throwing a tantrum! Your mother is going to die, but throwing things around and kicking them isn't going to help anything. It just means that when it's over you're going to have to clean up another mess." She reached out and touched his face. "There was nothing you can do then, and there's nothing you can do now…stop beating yourself up over it. Please…I don't want to see you hurt."

"So as long as you're satisfied it's okay?" He hissed darkly, and she scowled.

"No, I'll never be satisfied with your internalizing all your problems or your coming up with new personas to deal with your life, but I can deal with that because I understand that's how _you _deal with it. But this-" She motioned to the mess around them. "This is going to get you killed. And I'm _not _okay with that." He looked oddly touched by that, and his eyes softened dramatically.

"You're a real good girl Alexandra Hunter." He told her with a grin. She felt her face flush, but she stayed determined.

"I'm going to look after you, and if you so much as threaten another mess like this again – I'm going to smack you!" He laughed and shook his head.

"Sure Alley, whatever you say." His eyes went down to the cross in his hand and he sighed. "Ma's gonna be mad. She always says that God is there for you no matter what, and that I should never feel alone because he's there." Alex nodded.

"She's religious." She offered blandly. She herself had never been that way, and while she could respect it – she didn't believe in any true higher power.

"God's great when you want something to bitch at…but as for advice and guidance…he's a bit mute." Alex laughed at that and put her arm around his shoulder.

"That's what you've got me for. I'll listen to you bitch, give you advice, and be mute and be your friend all in one." He shook his head.

"You know, you're kind of emasculating, telling me that. Shouldn't the guy be looking out for the girl?"

"Only if you believe all that feminist crap."

"Somehow, you don't seem the type to let me get away with that."

"Probably not." He sighed and looked at the still present mess on the floor.

"Thank you Alley, for everything." He leaned over and pressed his lips to the side of her head. "You're a good friend." And she smiled.

"You are too Nick, you are too."


	7. In Counting Time

**Windstar: **Thanks very much to my wonderful reviewers! I really appreciate it! This chapter extends over a much longer period of time then the last few have, but the story is starting to pick up more then it had in the past. I hope you all enjoy!

I had a reviewer comment that this was a hurt/comfort/friendship story, but that it wasn't Romance. There is a reason for this, while yes - Romance is a huge part of Neal Caffrey's life, and with this plot - Alex's as well, I don't think that it's the romantic relationship between them that is the most important thing to focus on. They were always friends first, and in times to come - and Kate comes into the picture, the music box, jail, and the FBI come together - it's obvious that that romance isn't the most important thing. They're not together in the series, and I intend to bring us up to current events. Because of that, please keep in mind that obviously Neal gets with Kate and not Alex, and that he's not with Alex during the show. Romance is important, yes, but friendship more so. I hope that clarifies that!

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter.

**Chapter Seven: In Counting Time**

_November 17, 1995 – February 15, 1996_

Alex made it a point to go through all of the paperwork and all of the forgeries needed for her to go back to school with Nick. She wasn't quite sure that she could contain herself from wanting to beat his so-called friends to a bloody pulp, but she was adamant on trying. When she told the Halden's of her plan, they were all stunned silent for a moment. Nick actually stared at her like she had three heads.

"You know…we won't be in the same classes…" He reminded here with a shocked expression.

"Sure we will, I'm sure you can forge a transcript that'll get me into it." He grinned wickedly, finished his dinner, and set off to work.

"Alley, you don' need ta be doin' this." Maire told her softly. Though she couldn't hide the honest to goodness touched look in her eyes. Alex shook her head.

"No…I promised I'd look out for him, and I will." She finished her own plate and stood up.

She did her own research about the event that took place only a few months before, and she read the what the news had to say about the situation. She wasn't too thrilled – to say the least – when she discovered that Nick Halden had been dragged through the proverbial mud by everyone and their grandma before Johnny went to jail.

It was only a few weeks before she had shown up when Johnny was put in a much more secure prison for a much longer wait, until the time of his next hearing. For a moment, she tried to consider what Nick looked like during that time, and if she could have guessed his troubles or problems with school. Now that she thought back on it, it was almost too convenient that she'd been allowed in the house so easily.

She knew that it had to do with her age, and her job, and her homelessness…but it also could very much have to do with the fact that Nick Halden was essentially isolating himself from the world and his parents were worried about him. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he had purposefully not spoken about any friends when she'd first come there because he honestly didn't believe he had any.

His life was just about in as much chaos as hers had been. She wondered if it was merely a coincidence that she had found him when she had. He seemed almost desperate for someone to talk to that didn't have anything to do with what had happened, and she needed someone to spend time with that wasn't intent on making her life a living hell.

Thomas was tight lipped about his reasoning for inviting to stay, but she was having trouble not seeing the bigger picture. The man didn't speak often, but he certainly cared greatly for his son. Nick meant the world to him, and no matter what anyone said – he would do anything if it meant his happiness and wellbeing.

Alex found herself curious about that fact, but she didn't quite feel confident enough to question Thomas about it. He probably wouldn't tell her anyway, so she focused solely on the schoolwork that was in front of her and she tried to get everything done that needed to be done.

It hadn't taken him long to get the paperwork and fake contacts together, and it certainly hadn't taken him long to arrange it all so it looked perfectly legitimate. The Haldens were listed as her primary contact numbers, and it was recorded that she was living with them now.

Alex looked over it with an amused grin and Nick pat himself on the back quite thoroughly for how well the documents came out. She had to admit – the boy had some extraordinary talent. He was fantastic at his work and she knew that type of skill was incredibly rare.

Now though, now she was just happy that she could be with him while he was having a difficult time, and she could be there for him when he needed her. For the first time in her life, she felt like she had a purpose. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was doing something right. She felt like everything was going good for once, and the feeling was exhilarating.

Months started to pass, and her presence in the Halden family seemed completely natural by the time Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years had come and gone. She was stunned at the offering of presents and the taste of good food. She had never had a genuine holiday before and the gathering was one of the most enjoyable she'd ever had. The Halden family, or at least Maire, had relatives that always made it a point to celebrate the holidays with them.

Having never been a member of a family before, a real one at least, she was astounded when she watched the various Irish relatives march through the door and parade themselves around the kitchen. Maire was delighted at having her sister, Emma, with her; and her joy filled the household. Alex was amazed at the love and care that Emma had for Maire and Nick, and she loved listening to the three of them speak in gaelic. It was a language so smooth sounding and so natural that she was mystified every time she heard the words. Emma's husband, Connor, was a broad man with a happy grin. Thomas and him would go out drinking and leave the women and Nick behind. No one complained and life fell into an easy level of contentment when they were around.

Emma and Connor doted on Nick with an almost alarming degree of love that Alex had never experienced before. Looking upon him it seemed clear that he was one of the most well cherished people in the world. His Aunt and Uncle doted on him with a relentless amount of caring that made her head spin, and through it all - the Haldens insisted that she was apart of their family. For the first time, she felt herself be loved and cared for.

Each holiday that came and went, the Caffrey side of the family would stop by and deliver presents and love. She found herself intoxicated by their caring, and they hugged and snuggled her almost as much as Nick. Her mood brightened greatly, and she found herself revealing in their attitude. She lamented that they could only come during holidays and that it was only for a short while each time. They were well off in Ireland, but that didn't meant that they could just take too much time off of work. Thanksgiving and Christmas through New Years was their greatest time that they could come, and because Thanksgiving was an American tradition - it showed just how much they cared for the Haldens that they'd make two trips so close together. Still, after new years, they'd return to Ireland and only be talked too on the phone and through copious letters.

It was during that time that Nick's mood in school seemed to improve with having her there, and she noticed that he was using her for more then just a friend while he was walking through the halls. She noticed it predominantly just before Thanksgiving. Emma and Conner had come over the night before and introduced themselves properly, and she had not yet become on close terms with them. There was excitement in the air though, and it seemed to make his resolve on certain things fade somewhat. He almost made a point to have his arm around her waist, and he was letting the world see the flirty smiles he'd send her way where before hand he'd tried not to.

Almost instantly the girls had backed off and had started to simply pine from afar. She didn't particularly mind, especially because she was irritated by their presence in the first place. She wasn't sure how she'd feel if Nick had a true girlfriend, but being as he didn't she was happy to make sure that all the other girls left him well enough alone.

Cindy though, was another matter. The girl seemed to try to redouble her efforts in getting close to Nick. She'd come up to him and speak with him with the attitude of purposefully ignoring anything and everything to do with Alex, and Alex was forced to just burn with the desire to see the girl get tossed into a wall.

Nick didn't like being around the girl, and it wasn't hard to see why. He was pretty confident on what had happened during the four hours he'd lost that night, and he was pretty certain it had to do with her. He wasn't one to honestly appreciate anything to do with her, and he was endlessly uncomfortable in her presence.

The problem was, as far as the two of them went, Alex would not make the first move towards him. He would not do it either. They were in a stalemate, and as much as Alex _wanted _to grab Nick and kiss him just to prove a point to the other girl – she knew that would hurt their relationship more then help it.

Case in point, Neal Halden did not like getting kissed. She was certain of it by this point. He looked almost disgusted with the thought of it, and she was certain it was all _her _fault. Four years ago she'd had a similar reaction to the whole experience. Anything to do with the topic of sex had been instant taboo. She wanted nothing to do with it, and apparently – neither did Nick.

Still, if Cindy was going to insist on assaulting him every time he walked down the hall, she was going to insist on beating the shit out of her the next time she saw her.

"Calm down little Alley-cat." Nick teased lightly as he started to open his locker. She glanced at him with a scowl on her face.

"One of these days, that girl is going to get punched."

"One of these days, I'm going to graduate and be far away from here." He tore some books from the inside of the metal cage and slammed the door shut. With a teasing smile he put an arm around her shoulder. "One of these days, I'm going to have a girlfriend who lets_ me _take care of _her_ instead of the other way around."

"Girlfriend?" He rolled his eyes.

"Word on the street is, we're _soul mates_." He blinked his eyes in the standard flirtatious way, and she scoffed.

"When do you trust word on the street-"

"When it comes from a reliable source." Both heads turned towards the voice, and Alex frowned slightly. Dante Haversham was the man who had given her the advice go to Thomas Halden in the first place. She hardly expected to see him here. Much less – did she expect the ear to ear grin that crossed Nick's face as he ran towards him and shouted –

"Mozzie!"

A few people's heads turned, but no one really commented. Nick's hand swung out and caught Haversham's in a clap before he pulled in to give a one armed hug. "What are you doing here? I thought you were off in Detroit!" The man was laughing slightly, and he shook his head.

"Never trust what you hear, my friend. I've been around for a little while-"

"He's the one that sent me to your place." Nick glanced back towards Alex with a frown before raising his eyebrows at the smaller man.

"I'm sensing a conspiracy." He intoned blandly, and the man shrugged.

"I have trained you well mon frère. Let's get out of here, we have much to talk about and so little time to do it in." With a smile, larger then Alex had ever seen before, Nick quickly followed without so much as a care that they were skipping the rest of the day of classes. Alex found herself not caring either, and she quickly trotted after them. His hand reached back and took hers and he gave it a squeeze as pure delight danced on his features.

Confusion of conspiracy or not – she was happy that 'Mozzie' had come back, because it looked like his very presence inspired life in his young counterpart. Nick had always been kind and flirty with her, but this view of pure joy had never been seen before in the house and she loved to dwell in his obvious excitement.

They exited the school building and walked at a brisk pace down the sidewalk, all the while Nick was practically bouncing with the need to ask questions and to talk to the man. He was showing admirable restraint though, and Alex had to give him credit – he was doing a good job considering how pumped up he was. She wasn't certain she could mind her words if she'd just been reunited with an old and dear friend.

"So tell me what life's been like for you two, you're living with the Halden's now, Alex?" Neutral topics seemed safe enough, and she nodded.

"Was this a set up?"

"Does it matter if it was?" It didn't, and she told him so, and so he shrugged. "Then it doesn't matter."

"We've been having a pretty good time, that's for sure. We've been illegally married." Nick snickered, referring to the ring he'd given her.

"I haven't seen that certificate just yet, Nick." She reminded him, and he shrugged.

"I said I'd give it you on your birthday. You're the one who screwed it all up by having the wrong date on your driver's license. I was perfectly prepared to give it to you in November, and you just had to tell me it was in February." She rolled her eyes, and Nick leaned closer to Moz – "And she's a rotten liar while we're at it, her real name isn't Alex, it's-" She swatted at him, and he ducked and it, only to swat back at her. She ducked and returned it in kind. It didn't take the two long to wage war through various swipes and teases right there on the sidewalk.

Mozzie grinned the whole while, enjoying the look of pure happiness that was radiating off of both of them. It had been a long while since he'd seen Nick look so cheerful, and while he didn't know Alex very well – it was nice to see her so enthused. The two of them had grown beautifully close and it was nice to see them so happy. By the time their fight had finished, he informed them that he was just around for the holidays, and they embraced that thought easily enough.

He swung around on all the major events. On Thanksgiving he had first arrived and assisted Maire with cooking and preparing the house. Emma and Conner seemed to know who he was and enjoyed his company greatly because of it. On Christmas, he swung back in to give gifts and to receive them, and Alex discovered for the first time that Neal Caffrey was born on Christmas Day.

"That's because I'm God's gift to humankind." He announced brightly as he gave her a huge grin.

"You wish you were." She scoffed, and then told him that his birthday sucked.

"Why's that?" He questioned with a frown.

"Because everyone else gets presents on your birthday too, it's not special." He was shaking his head though –

"Doesn't that make it even more special?" She frowned. "Everyone can be happy together, it's not just all about me."

"That's so Nick talking." She declared, and he snorted.

"Yeah, Neal's only a few months old, he's got a way to go before he gets a birthday."

"Too bad, he's total jailbait." He stuck his tongue out at her and she winked.

As they opened presents though, Alex felt her heart warm brightly. Nick was ever thoughtful towards her and she had hoped to be the same way towards him. He'd bought a necklace for her. It was tied on a silky string that tied in the back. The charm was that of an intricately designed oval that was almost shield shaped. It was an almost simple gesture with quiet words _I'll protect you_. She loved it.

To him, she gifted a simple black hat. The moments his hands touched it, he was grinning from ear to ear. Mozzie snorted and rolled his eyes, and his parents sighed dramatically. "What?" She asked in confusion, but her answers were met easily enough when he flipped it expertly and slid it onto his head with perfect precision. It looked perfect on him – just like she knew it would.

"He's always wanted a hat like that." Thomas explained. "I think he's got a rat-pack day-dream."

"Oh yeah, I'm totally Dean Martin." He grinned as he played with the fedora some more. "I love this hat." He seemed almost dreamy when he said it, and she laughed – happy to make an impression on him.

On New Years Eve, Mozzie took Alex and Neal to one of his favorite parts of the city – the rooftops. They got a perfect view of Times Square and they set up camp on top of the roofs.

A vicious game of poker soon broke out and it turned into an all out war. Alex discovered that Nick was not afraid to use his card shark ways in the game, and soon it was a game of who could con the conman better. Mozzie beat them both hands down, and when they complained he simply mentioned that they shouldn't play the man who taught them _almost _everything he knew.

On February fourteenth, Nick took Alex with him and they went to a theatre show together. Afterwards they ate dinner and took a walk through Central Park. Their teasing and enthusiastic natures soon led to a snowball fight that got them both wet and them both laughing so hard tears came from their eyes.

And it was on this night, that Nick and Alex had their first kiss. His took her face in his hands and he leaned forward just enough to lightly grace her lips with his own. Alex leaned in the rest of the way, and she felt her heart soar in her heart. She felt peace come over her. She felt as though the world vanished, and all that was left was her and her Blue-Eyed boy.

She felt as though nothing else mattered. Her heart bubbled with love and joy and euphoria. She felt as though she had been given the world on a silver platter. Her body thrummed with delight. Her arms reached up and locked behind his head.

Their lips pressed harder, they shifted and turned, one kiss turning into two. He held her waist close to him and for the first time she noticed that he was taller then her now. For the first time she noticed that he'd outgrown his 'short' status and was officially someone she had to incline her head towards. It wasn't much, but it was there. Next time they went out, she was wearing heels.

He pulled away, and met her eyes with a gentle smile. His fingers ran through her hair. "Happy birthday." He told her, and with another sweet kiss – this time to the side of her head. "And Happy Valentine's Day."

She wasn't sure she'd never been more pleased in all her life. Especially when he gave her a matching pair of earrings to her Christmas present, and when he teasingly gave her the marriage certificate he'd promised her months ago. She wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder, and together they started to make their way back home.

Maire, though she hadn't been feeling well for a while, had thoughtfully baked a chocolate cake for her when they got back. It was three layers high and the frosting alone was to die for. She thanked the woman over and over again, never tasting anything more wonderful in all her life. Maire told her it was an old family recipe that she'd be happy to teach her when she had some free time. Alex thanked her over and over again, and chalked this moment – this day – down as her greatest Birthday that she'd ever had.

The next day at school, feeling as though she had just been gifted the whole world – she refused to let Cindy Crawford within ten feet of her Blue-Eyes. The moment the girl went to do her traditional attempt at flirting, Alex stood in her way and glared _hard_.

"Back off." She insisted, and Nick glanced towards them with raised eyebrows. Not too far down the hall Emrys and his jarheads were watching as well.

"Excuse you, you're in my way." Cindy hissed instead.

"No, you're in everyone's way. So get lost and stay there."

"Calm down Alley-Cat." Nick murmured towards her, his voice teasing. It was the name he always called her when she started to act predatory, and it fit well enough. She certainly felt as though she had her hackles raised on this one, but she wasn't going to calm down. Not until Cindy got the point and she left.

"You heard what he said. Calm down _Alley-Cat_." The girl using the nickname was certainly _not _acceptable though, and without further warning, Alex brought a hand back and smacked her _hard _across the face. Nick winced slightly and she could have sworn she saw Emrys' mouth drop with a mixture of surprise and humor – but she wasn't paying any attention to them.

"Only he calls me that, and you – need to learn that your place is not here. Leave him alone." Cindy glared up at her with a look of pure hatred on her face and went to swing at her. Alex shifted to the side and with the accuracy of one who had done it countless times; she placed her fingers behind the girl's ear and pushed. The pressure point crumbled under her touch and down Cindy went – yelping in surprise.

"Alex, you're going to get suspended." Nick warned with a bored tone.

"Promise you won't go near him again." Alex ignored him, and focused on Cindy.

"I promise!" The girl winced, and instantly the thief let up and patted her hands as though to remove imaginary dust.

"There, all better." And with that, she turned and interlocked her arm with Nick and the young boy just shook his head.

"You really love emasculating me don't you?" He chided blandly.

"No, I really love giving people what they deserve."

She would not tell him that the reason she'd done it at all, was the fact that she was sick and tired of looking at the other girl. She was sick and tired of listening to her in the girl's changing room during gym talking about how Nick Halden was the greatest lay that she'd ever had.

She was tired of listening to her go into detail about birthmarks and performance. She was tired of listening to her talk about Nick as though he were just a doll to dress up. She was tired of listening to her babble on about how she would just _love _to do him again, and if she could only get the chance…she would. In short: she was completely fed up.

Cindy Crawford liked his body, but she had no idea on his soul. She had no idea that the person she kept talking about was beautiful on the inside too, and that she was hurting him with all her talk and actions. Alex wanted retribution, and she wanted _her _boy to be free of Cindy forever.

The two of them walked home in relative ease, and were happy and at ease during the whole trip. Their hands these days, were always interlocked. She always wore his necklace and earrings, and he always wore his hat. They were tied together and they were never leaving.

Or at least that's what they told themselves when they walked into the house and they ascended the stairs to where Maire was usually at during the daytime hours. Nick knocked once on the door, and then opened it and let themselves in.

"Hey Ma, how're you doin' today?" He asked her as he rounded around the couch to look at her. He stood still for a moment, and Alex watched as the color drained from his face. "Ma?" He started forwards, the sounds of labored breathing just reaching Alex's ears. "Alley…get my dad. And call 911." His voice was shaking slightly, his hands reaching out to touch his mother, but whatever happened next – she wouldn't know.

She turned around and ran for the phone. She screamed for Thomas to come upstairs, and within moments panicked steps were racing towards her. The man burst into the room where Nick was still crouching before his mother. Maire was gasping slightly, her skin completely the wrong color. Her eyes were pinched clothes and it was clear she was in a great amount of pain.

Thomas ordered them to go downstairs and show the paramedics up when they came, but Nick was frozen to the floor. Alex reached out a shaking hand. "Nick…come on…come on…don't watch…" She took his palm in hers, and she pulled. His eyes stayed on Maire for as long as they could, but when they turned the corner, he looked at her and his heart was locked in his throat.

"It's too soon." He told her, words trembling. "They said two years. They said she had two years!"

"I know. I know, we don't know what's going on, but we'll see…we'll see Nick…We'll see." She gave his hand a squeeze, and forced herself to think positively…because as wonderful as the past few months had been…everything was going to change drastically if Maire died. If she died – everything they'd built, was going to come falling apart, she just knew it.


	8. Letting Go

**Windstar:** Thanks so much to my fantastic reviewers! Like always, I cannot tell you what it means to me. Your words of encouragement certainly bring smiles to my face and it makes me feel like writing more and more. Thank you for your many kindnesses! I appreciate it more then you could ever know! This chapter is a bit short, but I promise to make it up in full with the next chapter where there will be much more action and much more of a faster pace. Cheers!

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter

**Chapter Eight: Letting go**

_February 15, 1996_

Thomas paced the floor of the waiting room without stop for three hours. The doctors kept coming back and saying that they were running tests. They said they didn't know how long they'd be. They said that it was only going to be a little bit longer and that was that.

Alex sat with Nick. Their hands tightly clasped together, they sat and they prayed. Between their palms was Maire's crucifix – the celtic cross she had given to Nick when he'd knocked down his bookcase. Alex had never truly gone to church, but she did understand the concept of God and what that meant to his family.

She ran words and hopes around her head for hours, struggling to come up with the proper articulation so that it sounded right. Nick just stared blankly at the world around him. His face was tired and drawn out, and it was not his face. Neal, the ever capable mask, was sitting beside her and staring at the world so that Nick wouldn't have to. The lies and the wrongness she always sensed off of Neal was back, and she hated it. She hated to consider it. She hated to think of him needing to think that he had to ignore all of his problems.

She bit her lip as she tried to consider what it was that they were waiting for. If all didn't go well with Maire, then this wasn't going to be the last time that they saw Neal – she was sure of it. Neal was the lying face that Nick put on to make other think he was okay. When he wasn't alright, Neal came out.

"I need some coffee." Thomas announced suddenly, and he turned sharply and left down the hall. Nick glanced up to follow him with his eyes, but only for a moment…then he returned to where he was staring before.

A part of Alex was infuriated that the man had just left his hurting child so that he could satisfy his caffine need – but she understood at the same time. This wasn't the time for thoughts like that. Everyone was grieving in their own way.

Still, sitting in the waiting room had never been something that she had enjoyed doing. She was more then a little infuriated with the fact that more information wasn't coming at a faster rate. All she wanted, after all, was to know how Maire was doing – what had even happened to her in the first place?

Why was it that she was doing so well for so long, and suddenly she had a problem now? Were her meds not working? Was the cancer moving? What was going on? She just wanted to know! The doctors went to school for information like this, and that meant that they should know what was going on. That meant that they should be aware of the situation.

Her hand squeezed Nick's harder, and she felt him shift so that his head was leaning against her shoulder. He was breaking down _hard_ and he wasn't handling this well. That was the basic sum up of this situation. She could feel his anxiety pouring off of him in waves. He was falling apart, and she was having a rather hard time coming up with a way to keep him together.

A door opened at the end of the hallway, and she glanced up to see if it was someone who might have some news for them. Instead, she was stunned to see Emrys. There was a cast on his arm and he had a scowl on his face. He didn't look pleased at all, and in fact there was a certain amount of annoyance on his features.

He looked up and caught sight of them, and he frowned heavily. His eyes looked between Nick and Alex on the bench, and he glanced around as though trying to spot someone else that should be associated with this scene. Seeing no one, he started to move towards them.

"Hey Halden, what's going on man?" He asked as he approached, looking over Alex slightly before turning to the younger boy.

"Nothing." Nick murmured. "Just go home." A scowl crossed Emrys' features, and it was clear that he didn't appreciate that comment in the slightest.

"You're just sitting in the hospital for no reason? Come on; tell me what's happening. You sick?"

"No." The would-be-thief sat up some, his expression forcing its way back into the neutrality that Neal Caffrey excelled at. "I'm not sick."

"Then who is? You, Alex?" The girl shook her head.

"It's none of your business Emrys." Nick told the man coldly, his tone dropping darkly and rippling with frustration. "So just get lost."

"Dude, it is my business, you're my friend-" Nick shot to his feet, tearing his hand away from Alex.

A stroke a terror seared through her as she imagined his destructive tendencies from the past. She tried to think of a reason that he wouldn't punch Emrys clear across the face – but in truth she was running short of explanations. The older boy was poking the tiger with a stick here, and the tiger wasn't afraid to defend himself when he wanted to.

"Your friend? Your friend? Do friends let friends get drugged and raped? Do friends let friends take the heat for telling the truth instead of lying? _Friends_? You stood up for your murderous brother over me, even after the bastard tried to kill me! You stood up for Cindy Crawford! You stood up for everyone except for me. Then you come around here and start saying you're my _friend_? You're not my friend, you're just a loser with a warped sense of reality!"

Emrys' eyes widened, but it seemed like Nick wasn't done yet. He took a deep shuddering breath and he stormed his way forwards. He stormed his way forwards and he refused to stop. He refused to stop and he probably couldn't stop. He was too pent up with anger hatred and just honest to goodness frustration.

"A friend would have been there when Dan and Rich started to take shots at me whenever they could. A friend would have visited more then once in the hospital. A friend would have gotten Cindy Crawford off my back. A friend would have never let that party turn out that way in the first place! A friend would have stood up for me.

"A _friend_ was there when everything went to hell. A _friend _took me have taken me out of New York when I couldn't handle being there, a _friend _was there for me when I went up on that stand. A _friend _was there for me when I got home and had panic attacks and nightmares for weeks. A _friend _was there for me regardless of the fact that he could have been killed for not being where he was supposed to be at the right time, and when all else failed – he was there to make sure that I met someone who would pick up where he left off." Alex felt her breath get stolen from her. She'd always assumed their meeting had been a conspiracy, but it seemed like Nick had put all the pieces together more fluidly then she had. Moz had purposefully led her to Thomas who insisted on her staying the night because between the two of them – they hoped that Nick would have someone to talk too to get out of his slump.

"A friend laughed with me, and cried with me. A friend stood up for me. A friend listened to my dreams. A friend knows why I'm here…and a friend has been here with me. But you? You weren't any of those people. You were _never _there. You were _never _a friend. You chose your brother over me, and you stopped being my friend." Tears were slipping down Nick's face; his body was terribly tense. He hadn't meant for any of this to happen – and that in of itself was all the proof that Alex needed that he was spiraling out of control.

Neal Caffrey never lost his cool. Neal Caffrey never lost his ability to smile and charm his way through any situation. Neal Caffrey could keep himself centered and focused. Neal Caffrey had a sharp and analytical mind that could force anyone to pay attention to him. He knew how to say things efficiently and effectively and he got everything put together.

Nick Halden was the one that lost control and started to destroy his surroundings. Nick Halden was the one that started to scream and yell and just let everything out. Nick Halden was the one that could not keep himself focused and couldn't keep himself attached to what it was that he was doing. Nick Halden was the one that experienced true feelings and felt true emotions.

And it was Nick Halden that finally let Emrys know a piece of his mind after everything that had happened. Neal Caffrey had been born after Emrys' party and Maire's diagnosis, and he had never left. He had kept that mask on in front of Emrys for as long as he possibly could. He had kept that mask on because that was the only way that Nick thought he could keep himself together.

But, that mask was slipping – and Nick was falling apart. He couldn't stop the storm that was coming, and he couldn't stop what was changing all around him. He couldn't stop the pain and the suffering. He couldn't stop the fact that his entire world was being tilted on its axis.

Alex reached out to Nick, slipping her hand into his and giving it a squeeze. He turned towards her and closed his eyes for a brief moment. He wavered ever so slightly and raised a hand to his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to breathe slowly, but his mind was a buzz and he couldn't seem to focus properly.

Emrys, for his part, took the words with surprising calm. He didn't seem to be all that bothered by the fact that he had just been reamed out in a hospital by a guy he considered a friend. He didn't seem to be all that upset by it in the first place. In fact, he almost seemed relieved.

"You've been holding onto that since last summer huh?" He asked bluntly, and Nick glanced at him with a frown on his expressions.

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you finally got that off your chest." Emrys sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I almost wish you'd just punch me and get it over with, but shit you hold onto things just like a damn girl." Alex opened her mouth to snap out her own comment about that, but Emrys was shaking his head. "I don't mean any offence by it. Just jeez man, you kept acting like everything was alright, but you did a one eighty on us."

"Get to the point Emrys." Nick snapped darkly, and the older boy raised up his hands as a display of truce.

"My point is, that you're right. I've been a shitty to a non-existent friend ever since the party. I made the wrong decision, and you were hurt by it. And I _am _sorry about that, but words aren't going to mean shit to you right now so I don't know if I should even tell you that. But as for leaving you alone…I didn't want you to get even more pummeled by Dan and Rich then you already were. And as for right now? I'm worried about you, and I just want to know that you're okay." His expression was open, and honest, and all the fight seemed to leave Nick.

He sighed heavily and shook his head. "No…I'm not okay." He took the few steps back and he sat heavily on the chair in the waiting room. His head sank into his hands and he forced himself to regulate his breathing. He forced himself to remain calm and collected. It was the only thing that he really _could _do. "Me Ma's sick." He said quietly.

"Maire? What's wrong?" Emrys' face became awash with worry. He looked to Alex who refused to say anything in this situation. She refused to get involved. This was Nick's show as far as she was concerned.

"Two weeks after the party she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She's been getting chemotherapy, but its rapid moving and inoperable. The docs said two years…which just turned into a year and a half or so." Anger crossed Emrys' face.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me, man? I would have-"

"Would have what?" Blue eyes glared angrily up at him. "You would have stopped being such a prick? Called Dan and Rich off? Left me alone _more_ so you could protect me? What would you have done?" The older boy's lips sealed shut and he grit his teeth.

"You're right…again." He sighed heavily. "Let me do something now then, can I get you something to eat? Want some water or something?" He looked around to see if he could find signs for the cafeteria. Nick's face mirrored his confusion.

"What's the point? Why would you?"

"Because you _were _my friend once, and that means something to me. I couldn't help you over the past few months; let me help you now. I'll go get you a sandwich. Alley, you want something?"

"Only he calls me Alley." She snapped instantly, and he held his hands up again for truce.

"Yeah, I heard that earlier in the hall with Cindy…do you want something Alex?" Her stomach growled loudly on cue, and she blushed slightly. He smirked though, and nodded. "Tell you what, you like turkey? I'll go get you some sandwiches. Be back in a few." He turned quickly and started to trot off, and the two teenagers were left to stare after him in dumb shock.

For a moment, neither said anything. They weren't entirely certain that there was anything that _could _be said. Between Nick's outburst and Emrys' unexpected response, they were left to basically sit in silence and frown at the world around them. That was, until Nick's lips started to quirk up and a small laugh bubbled out from it.

Which set Alex off, and within moments they were laughing harder and harder. Hard enough that tears were coming from their eyes and their laughs had dissolved into hysteria. They laughed, and cried, and hugged and through it all they blubbered meaningless comments to each other that just made them laugh harder.

"God…I knew there was a reason that I liked him at one point." Nick managed to get out, rubbing tears from his eyes. Alex sniggered and started to wipe away her own as well.

"I was beginning to wonder. But hey, between friends like him and friends like Mozzie, I think you'll be okay." He looked at her seriously, and a faint smile crossed his features. He raised a hand to touch her face.

"And friends like you too." He added gently, leaning forwards and kissing her lovingly. She felt her heart glow like it always did, and the world seemed sunnier all of a sudden.

It would too, for as soon as he'd pulled back – Thomas had arrived with a doctor that was finally ready to explain what had happened. They sat quietly, looking up at the man as he broke down all of the procedures that they had done and all of the test results that they had gotten back.

Maire had moved from Stage Three to Stage Four lung cancer, and it was only going to get worse from here. Today, she'd just experienced her lungs having difficulty giving her enough oxygen to breathe, and they were going to put her on a ventilator from now on. She wouldn't need to use it every moment of everyday, but she'd need to have it nearby so that she could get hooked up to it when she had difficulty breathing.

He then proceeded to amend the amount of time she had left. He didn't think it was going to last too much longer now – especially because her pancreas was now showing signs of failure. The doctor left and told them that they could go and see Maire now, and they'd like to keep her overnight before they released her.

All three stated they'd stay with her, and take her home in the morning. Thomas went to go see Maire first, and the two kids stayed behind for a while longer to consider what they'd just been told.

The remainder of Maire's life was going to be one of pain. Her entire body was shutting down and there was nothing that they could do about it. She'd be on pain medicine for the rest of her time on earth, chemotherapy was only going to prolong the inevitable – not fix the problem. Maire was going to waste away, and then eventually die. That was all that was left.

They heard footsteps, and they looked up quietly. Emrys had returned, but his expression was sullen. He motioned towards where the doctor and Thomas had disappeared, and said he'd overheard. Nick just nodded and looked away. He barely even noticed when the food was pushed into his hands.

The prospect of eating didn't sound very appeasing at all. In fact, he would rather that he didn't. He honestly just didn't want anything. His mouth was rejecting the thought of food almost as much as his stomach. He felt sick, and he didn't want to think about adding to the problem.

When asked if he was alright, he just shook his head and said three words that summed up exactly how he felt at that moment: "This royally sucks."


	9. To You

**Windstar: **I hesitated to put this up, and I fretted constantly over the ending. Admittedly this chapter is a bit shorter then the last one, but not by too much. I find that I am worried over the reaction of this particular chapter, especially the ending line in it. I do hope you'll forgive it and I had put much consideration into it before posting. I was quite concerned over whether or not I should add it, but I decided to leave it at long end. Please forgive me! And enjoy!

Furthermore, never in my life have I ever been more touched by the reviews I've received. The beautiful words of you all filled my heart and made me feel wonderful about this story and my progress thus far. Truly, thank you kindly - it means more then words can say! Every review is desperately sacred and it means the most to me. Thank you for everything!

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter

**Chapter Nine: To you**

**_Subtitle: "You know I would never let anything happen to you." - Neal Caffrey_**

_February 18, 1996_

Maire was released from the hospital in good time, and things went back to the way that they used to be. The only added difference, was the fact that Emrys would call and make sure things were alright and show up to help out where he could. He always did so without the knowledge of Dan and Rich, and that made things infinitely better. He promised that he'd do what he could to help out and make things easier, and while Nick's parents certainly weren't his biggest fans, they accepted his attempt to make things better.

It was three days after Maire's life had been threatened so drastically, when Nick watched Alex get into fight with one of her contacts. She wasn't anywhere close to the house and she had planned to stay as far away from them as she could when she did her deals. She didn't want to see them get into trouble if things went wrong, but she also needed to clear her head and doing a job did just that.

Her contact was a man name Daniel Fox, and he was most certainly not shy about hitting a woman. She had just been thrown to the ground when suddenly she heard Daniel let out a pained yelp. Looking up she watched as sweet gentle Nick Halden was standing over the man with a furious look on his face. Pure and total anger was the only way she could describe it, but he was seriously out matched here and while the gesture was nice – this was _not _a good situation.

She pushed herself to her feet and grabbed the foolish boy's hand, running as fast as she could in the opposite direction. She could feel him attempting to pull away, but she gripped ever harder. One glance over her shoulder and she could tell well enough that they were being followed. Daniel Fox was _not _amused.

She felt an irrational surge of panic rush through her as she looked at the teenager beside her. He looked so infuriated that she wasn't sure what to do, what she did know though, was that she did not want to see what would happen if they got caught.

There was a subway up ahead though, and her breath came out in short bursts. She just wanted to get the dumbass into the train and then maybe – just maybe – if they survived, she'd consider whether or not to beat his brains out in public or not.

She felt her ankle twist suddenly though, and her weight faltered. A curse left her lips as she tumbled forwards, but she never hit the ground. Nick grabbed her and pulled her as hard as he could – keeping her steady.

"Thanks." She managed to get out, but it was cut short when a sharp tug on her hair made her aware of the fact that their pursuer was still right behind them. She shouted, and a few people on the street turned to see what was going on. Nick took that moment to punch Fox once more.

Daniel was waiting for it though and he landed one of his own. The first punch didn't seem to keep Nick from continuing his counter, but the second one sent him straight to the ground with a hand over his eye and a gasp of pure surprise. Anger superseded terror and she fumbled for the mace that she kept in her purse. Whipping her hand around she sprayed the bastard liberally. He screamed and backed away, but she focused only on the kid on the ground.

His face had instantly swelled and she wondered just how hard he'd gotten hit. She knew they must look like a pair at this moment. Her right eye was swelling slightly, but she knew that it was nothing like what his face was doing. There was even a drain of blood coming from his nose.

"Oh, you _idiot!_" She hissed as she cupped the sides of his face. She could distantly hear the shouts of the police as they came to investigate the fight, and she was actually thankful to see them for the first time in her life.

A tall officer grabbed hold of Daniel just as he made another lunge at the two of them, and he made quick work of subduing him. A second officer arrived only moments after the first, and she thanked the world for the beat cops that prowled the streets everyday.

"Are you alright ma'am?" He asked politely as he crouched beside them.

"I'm fine, but my friend-"

"Ah'm bine." The little idiot said as he tried to feel on his face to see what had happened. She scowled at him.

"You're not fine, your nose is broken!" She exclaimed as she got an honest to goodness look at the injury. She didn't realize that Daniel had gotten such a well-placed shot in. "Your parents are going to kill me!" She could hardly imagine what Maire or Thomas Halden were going to say when they saw his face.

"Nah, by bault." She grit her teeth. That was not reassuring in the least.

"Would you like a ride to the hospital?" The cop asked, and Alex sighed. She glanced to Nick and caught sight of the pleading look he was giving her despite the obvious pain he was in. She knew that they needed to go though, despite his intense desire not to.

Nick was such a little fool, and it served him right to being sent to the hospital. She thanked the officer for his kindness. He helped them up to their feet, and she gave him a dark look to keep him from getting any bright ideas.

"You're dead Alex Hunter! You're dead!" Daniel was screaming, and Nick glanced back towards him in fury.

"Just bry bit!" He snapped around the bloody nose that was all but choking him. Alex rolled her eyes and shoved him to follow the officer.

"Yes, you're my knight in shining armor, you've done well young grasshopper – now cut off the macho act." He looked at her seriously though, and despite how one of his blue eyes was swollen completely shut and the bruise on his cheek was blossoming brightly, he still spoke with a sincerity that she hadn't expected.

"Ah'll _alway _look afta' _you_. Never let anythin' happen." And she wasn't sure if she should feel touched by his genuine words or if she should remind him that he was only a kid and that she was the one who saved them with her mace.

She just put an arm around his shoulders and thanked him, honestly and truly from the bottom of her heart. She'd never had anyone tell her something so sweet before. It almost brought tears to her eyes, and if it did she could easily blame the pain she was in.

She wasn't sure she had ever felt anything like this towards anyone before, but she certainly was finding that she cared more for this boy then anything else she'd given emotion towards in the past. He somehow was managing to worm his way into her heart quite sufficiently.

The trip to the hospital was short and sweet. She found that she didn't care that he was bleeding quite a bit on her clothes; she simply wanted to stay with him. She held the cloths that officer handed them to Nick's face and leaned him to her as they waited.

As soon as they entered the waiting room they were both whisked off to get looked at. She caught the panicked expression that he had sent her though, and after some finagling, she managed to get the doctors to agree to let her go with him.

She stood beside him while he was getting x-rayed, their hands holding tightly and his eyes never leaving her when he had a chance. A part of her wanted to ask just why it was that he so hated hospitals, but it wasn't hard to see what it was that had caused his aversion.

To Nick, every trip to the hospital meant more bad news and more bad experiences. One more day count on how much time left he would have with his mother. He wasn't exactly pleased with the situation, and though he handled it admirably- he wasn't doing as well as anyone would have liked to see him. Instead of just dealing with the pain, he was allowing it to build up inside of him until it exploded at poor times.

Despite their conversation months back, he was still destructive when he was angry or upset. After coming home from the hospital only a few days ago, he'd had an even bigger blow up then he had earlier. They had been quiet the whole ride, for Maire still wasn't feeling well even though she'd been released. Alex would look over to him and hope to see him doing okay, but instead he would just blankly stare out the window. He was _never _doing okay.

She opened the door for him, and they walked into the house. He asked her to be alone, and she let him. She wasn't certain what it was that she should do, but she honestly hoped that the time alone would help him clear his thoughts.

That was when she started hearing the crashes and bangs that sounded like utter destruction coming from inside the room. She ran to where she'd left him, and threw the door open. He was tearing books off his wall and tears that had refused to fall were fighting against his eyelids.

He was breaking anything that looked like it was doing well, and he wasn't stopping. She had gone to him and thrown her arms around him. He turned to her and wordlessly gripped onto her and sobbed. She found herself sobbing too. She'd only known him for six months, but it was hard to _not _like Maire. She was a gentle and loving woman, and her _boys _(as she called them) were good men.

Thomas was a quiet man who did his work efficiently, and loved his family with more heart then she had ever known. She had never seen a man with so much kindness in his being. She had never seen a father rule with his heart and not his fist. As far as she'd seen, the man had never once struck Nick – and if he had she would have kidnapped the kid then and there.

She cared for their family. She cared for all of them, and she found herself not going on heists as much as she used to the longer she stayed with them. Thomas had made it clear that whatever Nick wanted to do with his life was fine, but she was not to bring him on any heists until after he graduated high school. Alex agreed and never once spoke to the kid about it.

She'd seen his grades; she'd seen how he was doing in class. He was talented. He was smart. He was going to go so far in life, and she didn't want to see him reduced to the life she was living. It was wonderful and exciting, but not for a good kid. Not for a kid like him (even though he excelled at it and loved doing it).

She looked down at the boy who was getting his nose set at the moment. He didn't look particularly happy at all about the situation. She heard him gasp when it was being aligned, but was actually surprised he didn't make any noise louder then that. The doctor came back with the rest of the x-rays not long after the break was taken care of.

The kid had a broken cheek-bone on top of everything, and she could just see the raw panic in his parent's eyes when they saw his face after all of this. Her hand slipped into Nick's and the boy looked over to her with a blinding smile.

"How ye feelin'?" He asked her in a rather slurred and loopy way, and she made a mental note that drugs made the kid happy. They'd pushed the regimented amount of morphine into his veins when they took one look at his face, and now it seemed the side effects were kicking in.

"I'm not the one with two broken bones." She pointed out evenly. Apparently for all of Daniel's nonchalance with hitting her, he hadn't gone nearly as hard as he had towards the kid.

"Ah'm fine." He laughed, winced, and then laughed again. She gave a look towards the doctor who only shrugged.

"He really will be okay, in six weeks he'll be as good as new. He shouldn't even have a scar, and if he does it will be _very _faint."

"You here that Romeo? Looks like you'll be back to breaking hearts in no time." She smiled at him and he winked with his good eye; which made it look suspiciously like a grimace.

"What bu mean? Ah'm breakin' yer har' righ' now." He meant to raise her hand up to kiss it, but instead he ended up missing and he slobbered slightly on her hand. She sighed.

"Note to self, no drugs for you." He frowned in confusion, but she just gave him a gentle pat on the top of his head.

The door opened and they all glanced at it, Alex gasped in surprise when she saw Maire Thomding there. She looked terribly weak, but it didn't matter, she was looking terrified. One look at Nick and she gasped and rushed over.

"_A chroi! _Are you alrigh'?" Her hands hovered over his face and he nodded quickly. The move made him dizzy, and even Alex could see that, but he adjusted rather fast. Sliding off the exam table he was propped up on, he tried to have her sit down.

"Wut are ye doin' here? Ye should be a' home!" Maire scowled at him.

"Boy, Ah may be dyin' an' Ah may not be long on dis eart' but ye will never get da righ' to tell me what ta do. You understan' me _Nicholas Halden_?" Her finger poked him straight in the chest, and he winced.

"Yes ma." He nodded to her, and she seemed satisfied. Then her eyes moved to Alex and she gasped.

"Alley, my dear, some hoodlum put dey're hands on you too?" Her hands gently touched her face, and Alex gasped in surprise. She hadn't expected to be cared for in the least. She certainly hadn't expected to hear her impromptu nickname either.

"I'm alright Mrs. Halden-"

"Alley, Ah've told ye time 'n again ta call me Maire. Ye don' do it nex' time 'n Ah'll have me feelin's hurt." Alex just nodded in acceptance. There was nothing she could do about it now.

"Yes…Maire." The woman looked to the doctors in concern.

"Are dey alrigh'?"

"They're both going to be fine. They're welcome to leave at any time." Maire nodded at that, and discussed insurance and logistics with them, even going so far to discuss prescriptions for pain that Nick would need to take.

The three walked out of the hospital, and despite their offers and protests, Maire steadfastly refused to do anything except wrap an arm around her son's waist and feel as though she were helping him walk even though it was she who desperately needed the help.

When they made it home; Thomas took one look at them, sighed, and told them both to take a bath and relax. Nick was still hopped up on pain meds though, and no one thought that it was a good idea for him to take a bath like that. All they needed was for the kid to drown himself on top of all the other mess that was going on.

Maire fell asleep the moment that they entered the house, and Alex went off to soak while Nick and Thomas had a chat. She was certain she'd get one too the moment she was out, and it was an odd feeling knowing that someone was genuinely worried about her well being enough to give her a chat.

Still, there was a part of her that was also terribly pleased to know that there _was _someone out there who cared. She thought back to Nick's wonderful words to her, and she couldn't help the fact that her heart glowed with excitement. _He'd never let anything happen to me. _The thought played on repeat in her head and she smiled and let herself relax.

She was finding that she honestly was starting to love this family.

After her bath, she dressed quickly, and made her way into the living room where she found Nick passed out on the couch. The bruises were coming out full force now, and she winced as she looked at him. Thomas was going over some documents not too far away, and she looked at him.

"I'm sorry." She said, feeling guilty that his son had gotten hurt because of her.

"Nicky told me what happened. It's not your fault he's an idiot." He shrugged. "I take it your deal didn't go down the way that you expected it to?"

"Not quite."

"That's too bad." She nodded, sighing as she fingered the swelling on her own face. "You ever think of carrying more then just mace on you?"

"Like a gun?" She questioned him softly. He nodded.

"No, I don't use them. They cause more harm then good." He frowned for a brief moment, but nodded.

"I gave Nicky lessons when he was younger...I'd do the same for you if you ever wanted them."

"Thank you, but a gun only escalates the situation. Once you bring out a gun, someone else does and then more then just one person gets shot."

"Yeah, well, keep it in the back of your head. You never know when you'll need to use one. Nick knows where my pistol is if you ever need it."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." They were quiet for a moment, and then Thomas sighed.

"For all of his bravado, he is just a kid."

"Yeah." A perfectly peaceful looking kid at that too, but a kid none the less. She was surprised by how genuinely gentle and sweet he looked even in his medication induced slumber. Then again, he'd always drawn her fancy. It must be those blue eyes of his..._her _blue eyes.

"Alex, I have a favor to ask you." She frowned at him, in all the months she'd been staying with them, he'd never asked her for anything. He'd hardly had more then a grunt or two towards them in the first place. It amazed her the amount of love and kindness that poured out of him with only the few words that he said.

He didn't speak often, but his gestures clearly meant the world to whomever they were directed at. There were countless times that she had walked in to see Nick sleeping on the older man's shoulder after he'd passed out over a project. He never moved the kid and he always made sure that the teen was comfortable.

He ruffled his son's hair, patted his shoulder, and showed his affection merely by the many small touches he'd bestow here and there. Only one thing truly came from such a parenting device: Nick Halden survived off of physical touch.

She had noticed it early on. He'd always take her hand; give her a small hug, a friendly kiss on the cheek, and more. She found she reacted to that and bestowed such kindnesses to him in turn. It was just their way.

Thomas was the instigator in all of it. He never said a word about anything if he didn't have too, and he certainly never asked for favors. People usually just offered and he'd shrug in agreeance.

"What is it?" She asked curiously, despite herself.

"Do you mind taking Nicky out after school tomorrow? I have to take Maire in to the hospital and I don't want him to have to be there again." Alex nodded.

"Sure no problem." It wasn't, they could go watch a movie or head to the park and relax. They deserved to have a break, especially after the day they'd had, she wouldn't entirely be surprised if they opted to just skip and not go at all. A movie probably wouldn't be advisable considering they only had two good eyes between the both of them. A day by the shore might be nice though it was cold but that didn't mean anything really…maybe they'd head over to the museums. That'd be fun. Nick loved going.

Maire would take them out occasionally when she was feeling up to it. If anything, it might help him to relax somewhat. He was so worried about his mother that maybe this would make him feel connected to her in some way.

"I know things are rather stressful around here with Maire being sick…hopefully things will get easier for you two though in the future." He nodded slowly, his mind on something else.

"Is there…anything they can do for her to make it easier for her?"

"Yeah, I think they found a way to help." He nodded. "I just…need you to look after Nicky for a bit. Okay? Keep him safe and an keep an eye out. Things will be difficult for him I'm sure."

"Sure, I will." She smiled, eager to do anything that she could to help.

"Thanks." He stood up and started to make his way towards his son. With an affectionate pat on the kid's head he turned and started to make his way out of the room.

Alex would never have guessed, that that was the last night she would see either Maire or Thomas alive again.


	10. The End of the Beginning

**Windstar: **Sorry for the delay! This is a relatively sad chapter and there is a major shock in it, that's all the warning you get. Apologies for the cliffhanger last chapter, but it's probably only going to get worse from here. Some parts are going to be a bit creepy, and I apologize in advance. Still, I hope that you won't all be killing me at the end. I do value my life...Enjoy!

**Chapter Ten: The End of the Beginning. **

_Monday, February 19, 1996_

When she woke up in the morning, she took one look in the mirror and decided that there was no way in hell she was going to go to school. Sighing, she stood up and moved towards Nick's room. The kid was laying on his side, huddled into a ball and he looked like he was going to stay that way for a long time.

She was about to leave, when she heard him mumble something. "Nick?" She asked curiously, and he rolled over slightly.

"Get over here." He mumbled, his attitude heavy with sleep. He didn't feel particularly inclined to seem polite, and she attributed that to the pain he was in.

"Want me to get you some meds?" She asked him lightly, but he just waved his hand, motioning for her to come towards him. She slipped into the room, shutting the door behind her and making her way towards the bed.

She knelt down in front of him and looked him over. He looked miserable. A part of her wanted to point out that that was what happened when he started getting bright ideas, but she refrained from doing so. Still, she commented on how poorly he looked and he snorted.

"Ya know how hard…it is to sleep when…every part…or yer face hurts?" He asked slowly, his eyes looking up at her from behind the swollen skin around them.

"You get any sleep at all?" She asked him as she reached out and slowly ran her fingers through his hair – it was matted with sweat and she winced. "Let me get you some more meds alright? It'll take the pain away. You were out like a light last night, you'll feel better." She stood up and started to make her way back to his door.

"Come back?" He whispered, and she nodded.

"I will, and hopefully you'll feel better." She quickly made her way into the kitchen and took his pain meds in hand. She grabbed a cup and filled it with water, and then she made her way back into his room. Passing the drink to him, he struggled to sit up.

He honestly looked more miserable then she could ever recall seeing him, and it seemed the combination of lack of sleep and pain was making him feel like the scum of the earth. He drank gingerly, but she noticed that each movement that was associated with his face made him grimace and wince in annoyance.

When he was done, he looked at her with a pitiful expression. "Stay with me?" he asked weakly, but she nodded and looked around for a place to sit. His hand reached out and pulled her closer though, and she found herself lying beside him in only a few short seconds. Her back was pressed against his chest, and she could feel his breath against her neck. He kicked and moved until the blankets managed to cover the both of them.

After an entire night of being warmed by his body, the covers were welcome in the cold of the world around them. She shivered and snuggled closer to him and she could have sworn she felt a smile on her neck. "Thank you." He whispered sleepily in her ear, and she rolled her eyes.

"You're going to be the death of me." She murmured as she felt exhaustion climb up on top of her. Nick hugged her close to him and she slowly drifted off to sleep.

Her dreams were awkwardly shaped nightmares that didn't make any sense. They started off with a mess of colors and visuals that didn't have any meaning. There were countless images here and there.

_Nick was floating in the water, his hair whipping about his face. His hands were tied behind his back, and his feet were chained to the ground. His eyes were staring at her, mouth moving open and closed in confusion. She swam towards him, gasping for breath._

_She wrapped her arms around his waist and tried to swim to the surface, but she couldn't. When she looked back, the chains were gone, but there were hands holding on to him. She screamed, her mind going blank as she couldn't breathe. Nick looked back at her, and then turned towards the other one holding him – a blonde girl with blue eyes._

_Her mind supplied a name – Jenny – and she fought harder to pull him away. There was a flushing noise, and suddenly all three of them were spiraling down a toilet and they landed inside her room in the Halden home. Alex looked around her, and tried to find Nick, but he was no where to be seen._

_She opened up the door and stepped into the hall, but the house had become a maze. Running through it, she called desperately for Nick, but he wasn't answering. Only when she made her way around the final corner at the end of the maze, did she see him._

_His back was to her, and it looked like he was standing in the doorway to his parent's room. He wasn't moving. She turned her head and looked at Thomas who was standing beside her._

_"Is there…anything they can do for her to make it easier for her?" She asked him, repeating her words from the day before._

_"Yeah, I think they found a way to help." He nodded. "I just…need you to look after Nicky for a bit. Okay?"_

_"Okay." And she opened her eyes, waking up in extreme confusion._

Glancing towards the clock, she was stunned to find that it was one in the afternoon, and that they'd slept the day away. She grimaced and sat up, turning to look at Nick who was dozing peacefully beside her. He finally looked at ease, and she couldn't help but feel as though he was so much like an angel.

"Nick? Nicky?" She reached out and started to shake him awake, and he groaned.

"No fair…was havin' a good dream." He mumbled with an annoyed tone in his voice.

"You've slept the day away Sleeping Beauty, come on…we should go before your parents realize we never left for school." He gave her a cynical look.

"Lookit you…all studious…" His voice was sounding a great deal better, and she smiled as she head that. It seemed that much of the swelling was going down and the pain killers were still doing their job appropriately.

"Come on…lets get dressed and go, I told your dad I'd take you to a museum or something after class."

"That was…kind of you…" he raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "What sparked…that?" He sat up, and ran a hand across his face. "Meds…" He murmured and waved his hand towards the bottle. She took it and passed it to him, and he did his best to swallow them with what little water remained in his cup from before.

"He just asked me to get you out of the house." She shrugged. He grimaced slightly.

"But we're the weak and…infirm." She rolled her eyes, and helped him stand up. Moving slowly she pulled out a shirt and a pair of jeans from his dresser and she passed it to him.

"Come on…" She started for his door, but he caught her wrist.

"Window. Fire escape – its how…I sneak out." He shrugged, and she laughed.

"How typical." He slipped into the clothes well enough, and gingerly touched his face once more.

"I look like…crap." He mumbled and she nodded at him.

"We make quite the pair you and I." And she slowly made her way out the window. Sighing, he pulled on a jacket, and grabbed one for her as well. Passing it to her, and snatching his keys and wallet, they made they way down the fire escape and into the back alley behind the house. Then they started down the street towards the subway that would take them into the innards of Manhattan.

Alex took Neal to the Met just like she'd said she would, but only after stopping at a local CVS and buying some makeup for the both of them. They stopped into a restaurant for lunch, and she applied a liberal amount of concealer on both of them (she had insisted that no one would let someone with as much bruising as they were showing anywhere near the building [Nick insisted that she just didn't want to be seen as anything less then stunning wherever she went]). They talked about meaningless things as they ate though, and it was nice to have nothing really hanging over their heads.

"So, why don' you use a gun?" Nick asked her as they shared a plate of fries. He was feeling a bit better now that he had been stuffed with opiates, but he was still swollen and occasionally his words came out a bit slurred.

"Your father asked me the same question last night." He grinned cheekily at her. "What are you supposed to be round two?"

"He's worry abou you dat's all. So come on, why don' you use a gun?"

"Why would I ever have the need to?" She asked him honestly, and he frowned at her. "I'm a woman, the second I get into a fight, people start noticing. Chivalrous men like you come to my safety all the time." She winked and he rolled his eyes.

"So you jus' like it when people do fings for you?" She laughed and shook her head.

"It's not that. I just would prefer to not have a gun on me. They're easy to find and even easier to want to use them."

"I don' get it."

"If you have a gun, then all of your answers go towards the gun. There's no thought process there's no second guessing, you see the person that could hurt you and you shoot them. That's how criminals get caught, and that's how people like us go to jail. Personally, I think I'm smarter then that. Every situation can be handled without the use of a gun, it's just a matter of understanding how to do it."

"How do ye do it?"

"Charm mostly. People don't tend to shoot people that they like. If you can make people like you, then they're less likely to kill you. It isn't a good idea to make enemies for yourself." Nick looked thoughtful at that for a moment, and nodded.

"Make-sense." The two worlds flooded together and she nodded her head and gave him a slight smile. "Me da taught me how ta shoot when I was a kid."

"You still are a kid." She reminded him blandly, and he rolled his eyes at her.

"I'm a good shot."

"Oh yeah?" He nodded enthusiastically.

"Nah-exactly legal to teach me, but hey." He shrugged. "He said every man needs ta learn how ta shoot a gun so he 'kin take care of a woman." She laughed and tried to picture a ten year old Nick with a pistol or a rifle in his hands. It was hard to imagine.

"Do you like guns?"

"Yeah, they're cool. Lots of fun."

"Just remember what I said thought Nicky, guns might be cool and fun, but they also can be dangerous…and they can hurt you in turn. If you have a gun, it can be used against you. If you don't have one – the only thing that they can use against you is you yourself. You're never as dangerous to yourself as a weapon can be." He nodded.

"Still…I wish I'd had a gun earlier. I'd have killed that guy." She frowned heavily at him and forced him to meet her eyes.

"Nick, never sell your soul and become a killer." He frowned.

"Sell me soul?"

"Yes, this world can corrupt anyone, but I'd like to believe that you are not the kind of person who will fall like that. I don't ever want to see you with blood on your hands. You value life to much, and if you had killed Fox I'm sure you would have regretted it for the rest of your life. Be good. That's what you're good at…" They finished their meal in silence; all the while Nick thought over their conversation and reflected on it. When they finished, they paid and stepped out and continued on their journey; paying little attention to the world around them.

They headed towards the Egyptian section to start off with, before making their grand tour through to Greek and Rome. From there they headed up to the Asian sections, and spiraled about to the other categories quickly enough. The whole while she couldn't help but be struck by just how genuinely happy and content the kid was.

She even saw fit to indulge his question asking that was always on the tip of his tongue. If someone let him, he was a blabbermouth and a half. He never shut up. He was frightfully loud when he was allowed to be.

"So where did you learn how to drive?" She frowned at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You can't get a permit until you're eighteen in New York City, and it's a hassle taking driver's ed. But you have a license, not just an ID. So where'd you learn how to drive?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." She snorted, and he nudged her arm.

"Try me."

"Iowa." The look on his face was priceless. Even with the makeup, it was obvious he'd been through the ringer recently – and that accompanied with the stunned look of pure shock was enough to make her smile. "My parents used to own a farm. I learned how to drive a tractor, and –stop laughing." The pure amusement on his face was grating on her nerves and she glowered at him.

"You drove a tractor?"

"Yes, farm, remember?"

"I can so not see you drive a tractor. A Maserati, yes…a tractor…not so much."

"You learn something new about someone everyday." She pointed out and he laughed again.

"Apparently. So, my little farmer…you just got your license there?"

"That's just where I learned how to drive, when I was thirteen I left home. I got my license about a year or so later – after I had a fake ID saying that I was seventeen."

"What about your _six points of identification_?" He asked blandly.

"I already had a fake ID, what was a few more?" And he shrugged, conceding to her point.

They rounded the corner, and started down the hall, when both of them caught sight of a small man admiring a Prussian artifact. Smiles crossed their faces and they hurried across the hall – calling out to him in his standard nickname. He turned his head and grinned slightly, staying still until they caught up.

"Moz, what are you doing here?" Nick asked as he went through the motions of their standard handshake.

"I was in the neighborhood and wanted to come see the show." His bespeckaled eyes looked over their faces and he frowned heavily. Turning to Alex he motioned towards them. "What happened to you two? You get into a fight?"

"Daniel Fox didn't want to do business properly, Nick decided to play hero and didn't come out on the winning end." She lamented, but she motioned towards her own puffy features. "Still, he did keep this from getting worse then it looks." Moz smirked slightly.

"And here I thought you didn't like people your own age." The moment the words left his mouth, she was certain she caught a smirk forming on the kid's face. She scowled and punched the boy in the arm.

"Not funny."

"I wasn't saying anything." He held up his hands in innocence.

"What are you doing here? A job?" She asked Moz, trying to get around the awkward moment. He was shaking his head though.

"Nah, just enjoying the art for what it is. What are your plans for the evening? Got anything special going on?"

"Nothing really, Ma's feelin better and said she'd make some potato soup tonight– you should come!" Nick grinned brightly, and it seemed he was getting back to his usual humor now that he was mixed with their older friend. Alex was just happy the pain killers were doing their job.

"Well, I do like Maire's soup." He commented blandly.

"They won't be back until later though, so we have some time to kill." Alex offered, and Nick frowned.

"Back?" He asked her with furrowed brows.

"Your dad wanted me to get you out of the house so that you didn't go with them to the hospital…Maire had an appointment there, and he didn't want you to go." Nick scowled darkly, but nodded – frustration on his features. Moz bumped his arm.

"Hey, it's a good thing you're out and about, you shouldn't keep going…it'll only depress you more."

"I should be there to support _her_ though."

"She'll tell you if she needs support." Alex told him gently, and the boy sighed – nodding his agreement.

The three made their way down to the food court (Moz hadn't eaten yet, and they were more then willing to snack). Nick listened happily as they distracted him with recounts of past capers and how they had met. They were careful to not say anything too loudly or about anything that would rouse security's attention, and Mozzie certainly remained tight-lipped on several incriminating details.

Still though, all together their hypothetical-completely-unrealistic-discussion was the most fun that the kid had had in a while. The boy was honestly very enthusiastic, and he hung onto every word that _Haversham _said while he was talking. The older man's ego seemed to raise with the fact that he had a captive audience and it made him pleased to say the least, and between Alex and him – they were very glad to see that Nick was starting to appear happier then he had before.

Still, a few hours were drifting by, and it was nearing seven o' clock. All three knew that they should start heading back, and they left their Manhattan hang out to catch the subway to Queens. They got off at the last stop and yawned tiredly. Considering the past few nights they'd had – they were exhausted and really just wanted to relax at home.

Moz had been rather upset when he'd heard of Maire's latest troubles and he gave his condolences gently. He put a hand on the back of Nick's head and he wished him well. The younger boy just shrugged and said that there was nothing that he could do about it, he was just surprised that Emrys turned out the way he had.

Neal opened the door and they headed into the apartment that lived beyond the home. He called out that they had company, but no one answered. Frowning slightly, the kid led the way up the stairs, checking his watch to make sure that his family should have returned by now.

Alex glanced awkwardly to Mozzie who frowned as his healthy level of paranoia started to make him feel like there was quite possibly something amiss with all of this. Nick didn't seem to pick up on it though; he opened doors to the house, calling out for his parents as an attempt to get their attention.

Something shifted at the end of the hall, and a loud bang resounded through the house. Alex turned to Moz in shock, her eyes wide "Was that just a-"

"A gunshot." He shoved passed her, running down the hall towards where Nick had started to move. "Nick-" The boy pushed open the door to his parent's room, and he froze. Alex moved as fast as she could, trying to get there too.

"Dad?" The word left the teenager's mouth quietly, and before anyone could even move, a deafening sound radiated through the apartment. Alex shot forwards and wrapped her arms around the kid, pulling him backwards, but there was no danger.

His legs crumpled underneath him anyway, blood was splattered on his stunned face. Mozzie surged forwards, cautiously glancing around the corner to see inside the room. The sight that met him made his stomach churn though. He glanced back to the kid who was gasping on the ground.

One of his hands went to his throat and his lungs heaved slightly in his throat. A curse left Mozzie's mouth as he crouched by the kid's side. He looked up at Alex who took this moment as a chance to glance into the room.

Thomas was laying on the ground not too far away from the door, a gun still in his hand. Blood and gray matter was splattered out of his head. Not far away from him on the bed lay his wife. Maire had a similar wound through her skull. Her eyes were closed and she looked as if she had simply been sleeping when she had been shot. She never woke up. She would never know that she was murdered.

Alex raised a hand to her mouth as she looked at the sight. Vomit started to climb up her throat and unlike Mozzie; she couldn't keep it in. She crumpled to the ground, coughing up the mess as pain tore through her.

"Alex, I need your help." She glanced towards where Moz was kneeling before Nick, the kid's eyes were wide and he was clawing at his throat. He was gasping, hyperventilating, he couldn't breathe! "He's having a panic attack." He explained shortly, and she tried to clear her head enough to realize what exactly the bang had meant earlier. Nick had effectively watched his father kill himself.

She fought back the tears that were coursing through her, and she moved to the boy's side. She raised a hand to touch him. He met her eyes and shook his head he couldn't breathe. He gasped out the words.

"Nick, Nicky-" He flinched badly at that; shaking his head weakly as he coughed and gasped even more.

"C-c-can't b-b-brea-" Tears wept down his face, he shuddered, and Moz gripped his arm.

"Yes you can. You're hyperventilating. You _can _breathe. Just try." He turned to look at Mozzie who felt a wave of compassion float over him. "You _can _breathe kid, take a deep breath." His fingers shifted to grip _Haversham's _shirt. "Feel me breathe, alright? In…out…in…out…" The kid was shaking badly. "Feel be breathe brother…you're okay."

His head was swimming; the bruising on his face did nothing to make him look any better. He tilted forwards, and rested his head on Moz's shoulder. Usually the man shied away from touches such as that, but he allowed it just this once. The kid didn't even seem conscious of what exactly he was doing in the first place.

It seemed that he was capable of eventually calming himself down though. After ten minutes of painful sobbing and hyperventilating, his breathing was coming back down to normal. The older man shifted him so Alex was holding the kid close. She ran her fingers through the boy's tousled hair and whispered softly in his ear. In the end she knew there was nothing that she could do to make this better. She only wished that they'd come back later, and he hadn't seen the final blow.

"We need to call the police." Alex whispered softly. For the second time in two days she found herself turning to the cops, and it wasn't exactly something she was happy with. Moz gave her a look that clearly said he thought she was out of her mind.

"Thom Halden was a high class fence, and you want to bring the pigs here?" She scowled at him.

"Thom and Maire are dead." Nick flinched badly, his eyes squeezing shut. "The police need to be called." Moz sighed, but nodded vaguely.

"I suppose it can't be helped. What are you going to do afterwards? Do you have any place to go now?" Alex shook her head, but a memory of Thomas made her wince slightly. Last night he had asked her to look after his son for him. She had thought he'd meant today only, but in hindsight she realized that he meant in general. She had given her word, and she intended to keep it.

"Can we go to one of your safe houses?" She asked softly. "Just for the night." He nodded.

"It's fine if you go, but you do realize that the moment the police take one look at him and come to the very obvious conclusion that he is just barely of age – he's going to go into foster care, facility, or to a family member's home." The thought hadn't even crossed Alex's mind. She looked at Nick for a moment, but he seemed to be coming out of his shocked state just enough to answer the thinly veiled question.

"Don't have any other family." He mumbled, one of his hands pressing against his head as though attempting to ward off a headache. He didn't seem capable of doing it though, and the pressure only made him wince as he pushed the broken bones. "Not in the country…Ireland."

"That leaves the system." Moz whispered softly, a look of whimsy crossing his features. "Get your things, we'll call an anonymous tip of gun shots heard. We'll be long gone before NYPD gets here." Alex gave him a stunned look. Moz just sighed and motioned towards the photograph on the wall where a much happier and less beat up looking Nick Halden was smiling. "He looks too good to be in foster care. And he's eighteen…if anything that means a group home until the end of the school year. He might as well just come with us now since he's going to end up there anyway." And that was all he was going to say about it.

"Nick…do you want me to get your things?" The kid didn't make any notion that he even heard what she had said. He just sat still, his knees drawn to his chest. He couldn't say a word…and he didn't say a word. He just sat silently, his mind on nothing. She bit her lip and nodded, standing up and hurrying down the hall to his room.

She pushed open the door to his room, and felt her resolve shifting. She wasn't sure what to do at the moment. Nick still had four more months of school left…he was going to be Valedictorian. He was smart; he was going to go to college. Thomas wanted him to go to college…

She ran her fingers over the objects that adorned the kid's dresser. There were photographs and figurines, and she couldn't remember right now what any of it meant, or what they were supposed to do. Her knees shook violently, and she collapsed on his bedroom floor.

Tears sprang into her eyes, and she sobbed painfully. This was why she didn't want to get involved with another family. This was why she didn't want to make attachments. This was why she pushed everyone away.

For the first time since meeting Nick Halden…she wished she'd never walked through that door on September 7, 1995. She wished that she had never gotten to know them. She wished that she had never met the boy that she had so completely fallen in love with.

But most of all, she wished that this had never happened.


	11. Dead to the World

**Windstar: **Sorry for the delay. I started writing an original story after being inspired by the work I was putting into a different fanfiction. It took up quite a bit of my time, and I fell in love with it to the point that I was neglecting my duties here! Apologies once more!

Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewerers, I truly appreciate you all.

I hope that you all have a very happy new year and best wishes all around!

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter.

**Chapter Eleven: Dead to the World**

_February 19, 1996 – February 20, 1996_

Nick had been quiet ever since they left the townhouse. He didn't say a word about anything to anyone, and he didn't bother trying to meet Alex or Mozzie's gaze. His hand was clenched tightly around the crucifix that his mother always wore around her neck, and he kept his head bent quietly.

Occasionally his shoulders would start to shake from tears finally managing to wrench their way out of his body, but that wasn't common. In the end, he kept his knees tucked to his chest. Mozzie insisted that he would get better soon, and that after the initial shock wore off he'd be back to his usual self.

Even Alex could see that he was full of crap and that he didn't really believe it himself. This was something that Nick was never going to get over. If thoughts of the past had anything to do with this situation, then the chances of him being able to deal with his father's murder-suicide of his mother were not favorable.

One bad party, and he'd pushed everyone out of his life that had been there in the first place. He had become the most lonely person in the world, and he only relied on his parents and Mozzie. Now his parents were gone, and they were the only people that were left.

Maire had been right before, when she had said that there was no way that Nick was going to be okay after she had died. Nick wasn't okay. He was falling apart at the seams and there was hardly anything holding him together. He was not doing well, and he was not coping well.

Alex found herself sitting beside him and holding him more often then not. He would rest his head on her shoulder and they would sit there in silence while his fractured mind tried to piece together exactly what had happened. She wasn't sure that she knew what was going to happen from this point onwards, but what she did know – Nick wasn't okay and it was going to be a _long _time until he was.

"Nick." She'd whisper to him softly. "Eat something?" And he'd numbly take a few bites of whatever she offered. He kept his eyes downcast and his expression remained perfectly neutral. She could see in his Baby-Blues that he was in turmoil though. Everything was reeling and falling apart and she found herself honestly hating Thomas for putting him in this situation.

Thomas should have known better then to have done what he'd done. She understood the man's reasoning, but to actually have done it in front of Nick…that was something she could never forgive. Which in turn sent her furiously hating herself for coming back sooner then they were supposed to.

Thomas had asked her to keep Nick out of the house until seven or eight, and they'd come back three hours early. They'd come back and Nick had watched his father kill himself. He had watched the man that he loved and respected kill himself right after he'd murdered Nick's mother.

Thomas had told her that he had discovered a way to help Maire, but clearly that was a line of bull. All he'd done was take the easy way out for himself. He had seen the woman he loved suffering, and he'd killed her so that she wouldn't. Then he killed himself to relieve himself of the guilt. The only problem was that he left his son behind to pick up the pieces of his idiocy.

That night, no one slept. No one really could sleep. Nick was a mess and in shock, and Moz and Alex didn't trust him by himself to be honest. They didn't dare hope that he would manage well enough, and his silence wasn't comforting. They almost wished that he would say something – anything – just so they could figure out what was running through his mind.

He hadn't handled Jenny's death very well at all, and now he was faced with both his parents at the same time. More then anything, it seemed that his relationship with death was a very antagonistic one. They didn't get along, and they couldn't get along. There was nothing that they could do or say to each other to make them like each other. Nick and death just didn't mesh.

"You know, a few days after that party, Thom called me up and had me take Nick to Detroit." Alex glanced towards where Moz was pouring himself a glass of vodka. "Nick was a mess, and not just physically. He was an emotional trauma house." Somehow, Alex could see that.

"What happened?"

"He spent the summer with me, and we didn't talk about Jenny or Emrys or anything to do with that night." Alex glanced towards where Nick was hunched in the corner. His head was angled downwards and he stared at his lap in silence. "I showed him some of the finer things in life, and we got to talking. On the ride back to New York for Johnny's trial, he told me what happened. He's going to be alright Alex."

"Why do you say that?" Mozzie sighed, and knocked back another shot. He moved towards a desk and opened a drawer. Inside of it, was a sketchbook. She'd seen dozens of sketchbooks in Nick's room, but none of them looked like this one. They weren't as beat up or as bent or crumpled as this one. Moz passed it to her wordlessly, and she opened it.

There were pictures of that night, and she stared at it in dumb shock. The pictures started off fuzzy. They started off as vague recollections, but then they grew in their accuracy and their depictions. They grew in their representations. She saw Todd and May. She saw Emrys. She saw Dan and Rich.

Then she flipped to pages of a man that could only have been Johnny. The lines were darker, angrier. Emotions flooded up towards her. There was hatred in these pictures. There was pure and unbridled rage. His face was sharp, his eyes were threatening. There were pictures of the man being beaten and burned and killed. There were horrific scenes of the man being tortured to death.

Rage, pure and simple was poured out on the pages. And with each picture of Johnny, this terrible hulking form – there was another image of a girl that could only have been Jennifer. She was seen on grass, smiling and happy. She was seen in school. She was seen graduating. She was seen living life and being free.

As the images progressed, Alex noticed the date. She noticed how they were closer getting to the time when he would return to New York. She flipped to the last page, and was surprised to see an almost different view.

Jennifer was standing above her grave, and Nick was kneeling before it. His hand was reaching out to lay flowers on it, and Jennifer was almost hovering above him. Beside her there was a staircase that led up to the heavens. Clouds and angels could be seen around the staircase, and she was turning to move towards it.

One hand was on his shoulder, answering his gesture of forgiveness. Her face was peaceful. She seemed at rest. The image was beautiful. Alex's fingers traced over it absentmindedly. It was one of the most touching scenes she'd ever beheld.

"When he's hurting, he draws. I don't know how much of that is real, I can only speculate. But it does help him. He's going to be okay. Give him time to wrap his head around this…and you'll see – he'll bounce back. He might not be the same as usual, but he'll make it through."

"I hope you're right Moz…I really hope you're right." Mozzie just smiled.

"Don't worry…I am."

Alex bought a sketchbook for Nick the next morning. She laid it beside him with a box of pencils – colored and otherwise – and then she left him alone. She left him to find his own way. She couldn't hold his hand right now, right now he needed to pull himself up and start to move.

For an hour or so, the pad lay untouched. Then she heard the sounds of pen on paper, and she turned and saw him staring at the notebook with a blank expression. He began to draw. His eyes stayed focused on the page, and they never left it. She watched his hand move across it over and over again, lines and angles and shapes were mixed together. He never stopped, and he never lost his concentration. It was almost as though he were in a trance, and it was beautiful yet frightening at the same time.

Mozzie came and went, organizing and trying to track down a place where they could stay and figure things out. He wanted to get everything situated before they headed out, and he wanted to make sure that they were going to be set no matter what they did. She assumed that he was going to come with them, or at least they were going to go with him.

So she wasn't that surprised when he mentioned that he had business in San Diego and that they should get ready for a long road trip. Moz didn't believe in planes, and she didn't particularly believe in them either. Cars and busses were off the roster instantly, which left train.

She'd never been on a long distance train ride before, but he assured her that it wasn't that bad. Nick didn't have a word to say about it, and they hardly expected him to. She looked towards him and noticed that he had picked at some of the sandwich that she'd give him earlier, and simply felt happy that he was at least starting to exist.

She didn't feel completely content until she saw him leaning against the wall with his head ducked down and his arms at his sides, sleeping as if there was nothing that could bother him. She pulled a blanket out of one of the closets, and slowly made her way towards him. Laying the blanket over him, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear, and kissed his cheek.

"Don't go." His voice scratched, and she frowned, looking at him curiously. She hadn't realized that he'd woken up. He lifted his head up and gave her a pleading look. "Stay with me?" And she nodded. She shifted to the wall space next to him, and rested her head on his shoulder. His arms encircled her body, and he wrapped the blanket around her. She could practically feel how tired he was. It sprung from his body, and she took it upon herself to rub the muscles on his back the best she could.

"I didn't mean to wake you." She apologized softly, but he shook his head.

"Dreams woke me." She didn't press, she understood.

"I'm here."

"I know." He held her close to him. "I know."

They stayed that way and they didn't move. Four hours later, that was how Mozzie found them. He opened the door and immediately looked over to them, and nodded his head. It was going to be a long and treacherous road, but he was certain that they were going to make it through just fine.

In his hands were several different papers, and he scoured them thoroughly in order to find any information that he could about what had happened the night before. He was rewarded when the New York Times reported the following:

_Murder-Suicide in Queens Leaves Questions About Missing Son:_

_Just after seven pm last night; Thomas Halden a local antique dealer and collector, murdered his wife of twenty years. Maire Halden reportedly died in her sleep, and was not aware of her husband's intents. The couple had one child, a Nicholas Halden who disappeared after the events that transpired and has not been seen since. _

_Neighbors report having seeing Nicholas enter the home at around the time of the deaths, but that he left with two others not long after arriving. "He was almost being dragged out, practically carried out the front door!" says Ruth Christian who lives just next door to the Haldens. "I saw it and thought it was a bit odd, and then the police arrived to explain the situation!" _

_Nicholas was involved in the death of Jennifer Hudson last June, when a party went seriously wrong. He testified against Jonathan Fields, attesting to the fact that Jonathan held Jennifer under the water in a toilet long enough to drown her. Jonathan then threw Nicholas out of a second story window – almost falling to his death._

_He is currently a senior in high-school and is expected to become Valedictorian. At this time, the NYPD are looking for any information as to where Nicholas Halden is or what may have occurred. Nicholas has been described as being 5'11'' with short dark hair. He has blue eyes, and is eighteen years old. If any information is known about his whereabouts, please inform the local authorities._

Mozzie stopped reading, and instead looked at the family photo that they had posted on the page. It was the same one that Nick had painted of everyone for his Mother. Maire with her long flowing red hair, Thomas looking so pleaed, and Alex and Neal looking so happy and excited…it was given to her a week after Alex had moved in.

There was no mention of Alex in the article though, which was good – because it gave them a low profile for now. He glanced towards the kids and sighed though. In the long run, things were going to have to change. For one thing, they needed to change how they looked.

Alex's picture in the paper would be enough for someone to recognize her, and that wasn't good for business. Her ability to make herself look far older then she actually was, was a plus though. Her hair would need to be cut and dyed, and her clothes would have to change for now.

It wouldn't be forever, just long enough for them to get out of the city. This news wasn't going to travel very far. It didn't seem like anyone was going to give a flying crap what happened to Nick Halden or anyone associated to him. It didn't seem like anyone cared too much.

Nick truly was the biggest problem with their escape plan. His face was plastered brightly on the cover of the paper, and as it was _him _everyone was looking for, they were bound to get caught sooner or later. He was more then happy with letting this heat die down some before they head out; especially if it meant keeping the kid out of the spotlight.

He glanced over towards where the kids were sleeping, and felt an overwhelming surge of pity course through him. They didn't deserve this. They didn't deserve this in the slightest. They'd finally started getting their feet back on the ground and suddenly the carpet was wrenched out from underneath them. It was a mess.

He sighed heavily and pushed the papers away. For now at least, they'd stay still. They had time to think things through. They had time to take a breather and figure out their exit strategy. At this moment, no one knew where they were and that was good.

He had seen the inside of foster care. He had seen what happened to those people. He had seen the horrors and the ignorance and the pain. He had seen the wishes of young children get smited under the fists of adults. He had seen what people did and what people thought of.

He refused to watch his best friend go through that. He refused to watch his greatest companion go through that. He knew that Nick was eighteen, and therefore he didn't have to go with them. He also knew though, that Nick had no way to support himself and that he didn't have a job. He knew that there was nothing there for Nick, and that someone very could just take him away until school was over and they could ship him off to someplace else.

He didn't want to consider what the government was capable of doing to Nick. He didn't want to consider what they were capable of accomplishing. One thing he did know for sure – Nick Halden was too much of a wreck at this moment to be anywhere except exactly where he was, and that was where he was going to stay.

Mozzie was not going to let any pig within three hundred yards of them if he had anything to say about it. He wasn't going to let anyone ruin Nick's one chance at getting better. If he was taken away now, he was done for. He wasn't going to be able to heal, and everything was going to fall apart.

He closed his eyes, and simply prayed as hard as he could – that something good was going to be able to come from this, and that somehow Nick was going to be able to find peace. He didn't know how it could happen, but he hoped that it would. He honestly, and truly, hoped that it would.

There was one thing that Mozzie was certain of – beyond a shadow of a doubt. He knew this to be true in the bottom of his heart, and no amount of lying could cover it up. He was certain of it so much, that he was willing to stake his life on it.

He moved across the safe house and he crouched beside the kids. He slowly urged them to wake up, and once they did, he helped them stand and make their ways towards a bed that would be much more comfortable. He watched as Nick stumbled into the mattress and curled up on it. His arms instantly sought out Alex's body. He clung to it and fell back into a restful slumber the moment she was settled.

Mozzie made sure the blankets covered them both, and he sighed as he looked them over. He knew that the coming months were going to be hard on them both. He almost wished he could tell Alex just what it was like to watch the person you love transform into a new being – but he couldn't. There was no describing that kind of pain.

Mozzie had been there pre and post Caffrey. He had been there when Neal first started appearing, and he knew that Neal was going to stay now. He knew that it was the failsafe that never seemed to stop rearing its head. He knew that Nick couldn't help it. It was a part of him that made him feel safe and secure. Lying to people comforted him. Lying made him feel like he was protected.

Mozzie could see the signs starting even now. He could see the differences forming even as he looked the kids over. He could see how Nick Halden had frayed so violently along the edges that he was not capable of putting himself back together completely and fully.

In truth, as he looked down at them…Mozzie knew that Nick Halden was never again going to be seen by the world the way that he was originally. Mozzie knew that Nick Halden was never again going to come out and play like he had before. He knew that Nick was long gone.

The one thing that Mozzie knew above all else in this situation – was the fact that Nick Halden had died the moment his father had shot himself. He knew that Nick wasn't going to be coming back, and that in the coming months – Neal Caffrey was going to be the dominant figure they all were going to have to learn and accept.

He only hoped that Alex was up to it, because he wasn't quite certain she was. He wasn't quite certain that Alex was prepared for what it meant to watch Nick change. He wasn't certain that Alex was ready to see the boy she had grown so attached too, was going to turn around and change.

And he wished that this wasn't the case, he truly and honestly did…but he knew that that was only a vain hope. He knew that that was only something that he was holding on to without any rational knowledge associated to it. He knew that Nick was gone the moment that he turned around and saw him panicking. He knew that Nick was locking himself away – cowardly – inside his own mind. He knew that Nick was throwing away the key.

In the morning, the nameless person that was currently the interim between the two mindsets would come out and play. He would brood and be depressed – and that would last for a while…but soon Neal would reappear, and this time…he wasn't going to go away. This time…he was going to take control and never let go.

Mozzie was certain, that Nick was dead, and that was it.


	12. Noticing a Change

**Windstar: **I'm really sorry about how long it has been between the updates. My reasonings are these: College started back up again and between writing a paper and writing fanfiction, unfortunately the paper wins. One of my original works has been captivating a great deal of my attention as well. The biggest reason though, is that I was so completely dismayed with the idea of a flashback episode that I lost my groove for a while. I held off until I could see it and see if it would mess up the story line I constructed, and lo and behold - it did. Still, I've spent the past few days trying to figure out a way to still remain canonical and I've managed to come up with a few ideas that may work. I know, I know - I could just write this off as being an AU and go toot my horn elsewhere, but I'm doing my best here.

Things are going to take a bit longer because I'm trying to rework everything a bit. Obviously Mozzie and Alex are going to have a fiddle here and there, but I think in the end it'll work out. If you don't mind waiting, then I promise you I will finish this in due time.

Thanks very much, and please enjoy!

**Chapter: Noticing a Change**

Anyone who met Neal Caffrey would tell you a series of things that they could recall most fervently. Some would say that he was the best poker player that they'd ever come across. Some would say that he could play a mean game of backgammon. Games of chance always seemed rigged with him.

Caffrey could make any girl fall madly in love with him. He had sex with people indiscriminately. He was every woman's fantasy, and every man's worst nightmare. Essentially he was Don Juan in modern time, which of course made more then his fair share of people infuriated with him.

Over the next four years, Neal Caffrey would learn all that there was to know, and expand on his repertoire. Essentially, Nick Halden would become the man that everyone else would call Neal Caffrey. He would learn how to distinguish a forgery of someone-elses at first glance. He would spend hours and weeks upon one painting, simply memorizing it.

And it was here, that Neal Caffrey would be the most creative. He would carry with him the boyish imagination of Nick Halden, and before it was eventually faded away into a passing memory he would use it to do the most exciting of capers. In the following few chapters, it is those four years that are of most importance.

It is during those four years, that Nick Halden travelled almost exclusively with Alex and Mozzie, and it was during those four years that Neal Caffrey first started to solidify himself into the psyche of the boy. It is important to note though, that Nick was _not _schizophrenic, nor was he a sociopath. He wasn't delusional nor was he insane.

Nick knew exactly what was happening around him at all times. He knew that he was not, in fact, truly, a man named Neal Caffrey. He was aware that that was not real. He was also aware of the fact that he was lying to almost everyone that was involved in his life whenever he introduced himself as Neal Caffrey.

If there was any form of psychosis that could be associated with Nick Halden, was that he was a pathological liar, plain and simple. He was compulsively driven to lie in order to take care of his own skin. He would lie with no sense of consequence, or at least that was what people would see when they looked at him.

They would see someone who was incapable of telling the truth, but that wasn't the case. The case was this: Nick sought only take care of himself and to take care those associated with him. What it meant to take care of himself though, included, and was not limited to – his mental status.

Nick was terrified of the world around him. After Jennifer's deaths, after his parents' deaths, things had shifted. The world was not the same as it used to be. He was not alright with exclaiming to the world that he was not okay. In his mind he was trapped, paradoxically he was not capable of escaping the lies he'd created to keep his squishy insides safe. He'd effectively caged himself in his own head.

Nick lied to the world because he knew that he couldn't stay behind forever. He knew that sooner or later everything would move on without him. Because he wasn't ready for that though, he created Neal to take up the slack. When no one was looking he'd think back on the problems that he'd faced and he would try to sort through them.

After a while though, denial was key. After a while, he was simply used to the lies and he pushed all of his memories to the back of his head. He refused to consider them. He refused to contemplate them. His dreams and his problems became nightmares and that was it.

They could not be a real and existing pain if he didn't consider them, and if he conjured up the persona of suave and cool Neal Caffrey – then he couldn't consider it. Neal Caffrey had no problems. He was completely care free. Life was perfect for Neal, and as long as he focused on that simple fact, then he wasn't going to be allowed to consider the thought that he was in pain or that his heart was torn out of his chest.

And it was in this way, that Nick Halden existed. The reason that Nick Halden, and therefore (by extension) Neal Caffrey, became a conman - was because the more personas he had, the less his heart and his soul could be traumatized any longer. Nick Halden didn't want to think about the past, and so he made sure that his past wasn't something to concern himself with.

As long as he was immersed in the "character" of Neal Caffrey, he couldn't be hurt. He was merely an actor, living a very realistic life. Or at least, that's what he told himself. And it was that very fact – the fact that Neal Caffrey didn't exist and was merely a fake character that he had created so that he could tolerate his own existence – that Alexandra Hunter hated the most about him.

The first week after the deaths of Maire and Thomas Halden, Neal Caffrey hadn't staked his claim on the world. Nick Halden was there, in shock, and grieving. It was a healthy thing for him to do – and while Alex wasn't happy about the fact that he was hurting at least it was the _right _thing for him to do.

He was terribly quiet for a while though, his head downcast and his face pale. His hands would shake terribly, and he'd have difficulty concentrating on things. The only thing that seemed to make him focus was when he was working on something. Alex encouraged him to do so, and his mind was endlessly focused on trying to recall anything other then his experiences in the past.

He went through four sketchbooks in the first nine days, and through it all he had a vacant expression on his face that made everyone worried about him. When he did talk, they were short words and they didn't seem to hold much meaning or merit to them – they were empty fillers that did nothing to make him feel better about anything that he did or didn't do. They just were there.

Then, he surprised everyone by announcing quite clearly – "Hey, lets get a dog."

"A dog?" Alex blinked at that suggestion in confusion, not quite knowing where it came from. Mozzie stared at him with a pinched look that made it seem like he was having difficulty digesting something particularly painful.

"Yeah, a really big one – or a puppy. One or the other." Mozzie poured himself another shot and knocked it back without comment, and then gave Alex a look that made it clear he expected her to handle this bout of irrationality.

"If we're getting a dog, it's a puppy." Only she didn't seem to particularly mind the suggestion, and Mozzie was forced to stare at them in stunned shock with no idea how to keep this situation from growing out of control.

"Do you realize that a dog in Manhattan is more work then anything else in the world? You can't even legally bring a dog into this place!"

"Well we're leaving in a bit anyway right? When we get to San Diego, lets get a dog!" He was starting to get real excited about the idea, and it was the first time he was showing any form of interest in something since his parents had died. Neither were too keen to shoot him down about it, and only Mozzie seemed against the idea in the first place.

"No, absolutely not. We're not getting a dog."

"I think it should be a Labrador, or a golden retriever or something."

"Aren't they the same thing?" Alex asked curiously, and Nick tilted his head – considering.

"No, but I think they're close…"

"Hello? Is anyone listening to me?" And clearly, they weren't.

They deliberated for hours over what type of dog to get, and how much money they would need to raise, and what gender, and what color, and where they'd keep it. When Mozzie protested, they ignored him, and focused only on the task at hand. The finally decided on a yellow lab named Sunshine, and decided that the moment they arrived in San Diego they'd head out to find their own Sunshine to bring home.

The trip was a long while in coming though, because despite Mozzie's beliefs – the police continued to look for clues on what had happened to Nick Halden for quite some time. His picture was posted on subways and bus stops. There were contact information's listed and there were countless attempts to locate him. The final straw was brought about when he turned around and saw his friend's face on a milk carton.

It was bordering on the obsessive, and he never understood why it was that Nick had become the topic of so much intrigue. What he would not discover until many years later, was that Emrys had made up his mind the moment he saw the newspaper clipping, to find Nick Halden.

He had spearheaded the movement and had organized the search parties. He had done everything he could to locate his former friend in hopes that he would still be alright. Emma and Conner O'Reiley arrived from Ireland the moment that they heard the news. They met with Emrys and searched for their nephew together.

Had Mozzie known that Nick's Irish relatives were looking endlessly for him, perhaps history would have turned out differently. As it stood though, he didn't know that they were there. All he did know, was that the constant signs were making it terribly difficult for them to sneak the teenager out of the state and he was running short on time. He needed to conduct his business in San Diego sooner rather then later, and his window of opportunity was closing rather fast.

He arrived back at the apartment where Alex and Neal were suffering through a long bout of boredom brought on by their self-imposed house arrest. Neal had gone through two sketchbooks already and was looking like he was going to start complaining if he had to spend time on another. The discussion of a dog at least had gotten him out of a funk, for the most part, and it served Moz as evidence that he needed to stop thinking about the past and move on. They needed to get out now and give him other things to think about.

"So here's how this is going to work." The kids glanced at him with raised eyebrows. "Alex and you are going to dye your hair, and you're going to start wearing glasses. I have new clothes for you both." He produced hair dye and accessories, and the two managed to not complain too much.

They made a project out of it, and he watched in amusement as Alex dyed Nick's hair platinum blonde, and he died hers black. His glasses didn't make him look good, but they did make him look less like – Nick. He stared at himself for a long time in the mirror, and laughed.

"Stand back world, introducing Elliot Masters." Alex started laughing hysterically at that, but her amusement fell quiet when Mozzie approached her with scissors and told her to cut her hair.

Anger was swift and hatred was loud. She loved her hair and didn't want it cut. He wasn't interested in her complaints though, and so with a great amount of coaxing, she allowed Nick to chop her precious locks down until she was given a sinful bob that made her hateful and woeful all at the same time.

Mozzie told them to pack their bags, and be ready to leave in twenty minutes, and they did as they were told. There was an almost steady pace of excitement climbing in them both. They were eager to get out of the city, and they were even more eager at the prospect of the life they were going to have in San Diego.

Alex had never been there before, but she was excited about the prospects. Most of all though; she couldn't wait to track down their Sunshine and bring her home. It was all they could talk about when Mozzie wasn't listening. The dog idea was ingenious and it kept Nick excited and active and thinking of the world and all of its grand designs.

It was in this time of in between that they discussed Alex's history as a thief and why it was that she did what she did. Alex surprised herself by being so honest with Nick, and he proved to be a worthy listener. He sat on baited breath as she told him the story of how she came to be.

Her family had never loved her, and they made it known that they believed her to be the scourge of the earth. Her father had been an out of work drunkard, and he was a conspiracy theorist of the worst kind. He would beat her and her mother and her mother was relentless in her disparaging remarks towards her.

During the times that her father was sober, however, he would speak to her about an amber music box. It was of Russian design, and inside it was apparently a code that unlocked a secret that could change the lives of countless people. He filled her head with fantasies surrounding the music box, and she was enamored with the prospect of tracking it down and being able to discover what the code was.

"I've always wanted to find it. I don't know why, but I suppose I wanted to know if it was worth it...he lost his job because of his obsession with the music box that everyone kept telling him didn't exist. I ended up hear because of it…I suppose I just wanted to know if it was worth it." She sighed and shook her head. "It probably isn't. After I ran away I started stealing for a living, and I got an eye for things. I kept an ear to the ground just in case I heard anything, but no one has heard anything about any amber music box."

"If you ever do find it…" Nick told her in those moments of confidence. "I'll help you get it, then we'll open it and figure it out together." She smiled at him, and nodded.

"I'll hold you to that someday."

"I know." And she would.

Mozzie announced that they were leaving, and they noticed he even donned a disguise for this venture – a new pair of glasses and an old jacket of sorts. He looked the same as usual, but the kids went along with it – mainly because they'd grown used to his idiosyncrasies over the time they'd gotten to know him. They were, by now, used to his strange behavior.

As they were about to leave, he paused for a moment, and glanced around the apartment (hide-out). "Want to say a farewell?" Nick prompted, and Alex grinned. It seemed like he was starting to move on, and she was more then happy for it.

"Change is certain. Peace is followed by disturbances; departure of evil men by their return. Such recurrences should not constitute occasions for sadness but realities for awareness, so that one may be happy in the interim." Alex watched her friend's face as the words were spoken, and it was then that she saw it.

Her heart clenched painfully in her chest as she looked at Nick's features. Talk of sadness and peace…and changes…his eyes flashed, his body tensed, his features locked down. He was changing, right before her eyes, and for a moment – it scared her.


End file.
